This week was a tough week.
Maybe it was because I have thirty or so mosquito bites on my body. Well, they are more like mosquito scabs now because I scratch them. Even though time and time again, my teammates tell me not to.
Or it could be that this entire week, our team felt physically drained. We knew the spiritual atmosphere in India would be different. Our ministry contact mentioned that we may wake up fatigued and feel as though we are moving in slow motion all day long. I didn’t believe it. But they were right. It’s crazy.
But for me, the hardest part of the week had to do with a team disagreement. Finally, three months into the Race, our team had our moment. The details aren’t so important. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? It doesn’t matter. A few of us shared our opinions, and then as a team, we prayed for guidance.
I’m wanting to share my perspective and my experience of this situation because ultimately, God’s compassion had the final say of my difficult week.
Even after our discussion and prayer, I struggled with the decision. I felt hurt and upset and I allowed frustration to stir up in my heart.
The inevitable aspect of community is that there will be times of conflict and disagreement. Problem is, we live with each other 24/7. We can’t escape one another and we can’t ignore the issue. Even through our hurts, we must eat, pray, and serve together. And here, my team leader and I were in an awkward situation.
So for a few days, we found ourselves doing what I like to call the Christian tango. You know, when two people awkwardly dance around each other because of a hurt or an offense. The “I don’t want to talk to you yet. Because I’m still hurt. I’m frustrated. And I’m being stubborn with the forgiveness process. But I don’t want to be mean. So I won’t be. But I am going to do my best to avoid you. Because it is easier. So then I won’t have to talk to you. Are you taking the lead in this? Or should I wait a few more days and see if I’m ready to forgive? Well, let’s just keep dancing around each other for now. K? K.”
On the World Race, avoiding is not an option. We are always around each other. So this non-stop movement and sway becomes quite ridiculous.
But to me, what was even more frustrating than our silly limbo, was the condition of my heart. I knew it was right to forgive and I wanted to forgive. But I wasn’t ready.
I’m not there yet. I’m still hurt. I’m still frustrated. Why am I being so stubborn? Lord, I know your heart of forgiveness:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” -Psalm 103: 8-12
Even knowing His heart, I wasn’t ready. So we continued to dance.
A few days later, I woke up, prepared for another morning of motion. But this day I had a fever. I tried to push through the morning. But by early afternoon, I was miserable. I could hardly sit still in my chair because I felt so awful.
I excused myself and rushed upstairs to lay down. At that moment, all I wanted was to be at my parent’s house, lying on the couch and watching Big Bang Theory with my mom. Ok and maybe eating a cupcake (or two).
Here I was in India and all I could do was lie on my sleeping pad and close my eyes. And that didn’t help much because sweat was dripping down my forehead. So I just laid there, aching and burning up.
Then I heard someone kneel beside me. I opened my eyes to find my team leader, Colleen, with her arm reached out, asking “Lyndsay, can I pray for you?”
When I realized it was her, my eyes widened. I swallowed my pride, responded with a “yes, please” and closed my eyes. At that moment, tears of forgiveness streamed down my face. My prayer was answered. The ice that covered my heart completely melted away.
Just as Christ has always been by my side,Colleen came to me and reached out her hand. Her actions reminded me of the promise of our Lord: I am with you, I am for you, and I will not let anything separate us. She rejected my promenade of resentment and chose to reach out with the compassion and grace of our Father.
That’s why she’s my leader. That’s why I follow her. She chose to bring forth the Kingdom, reminding me that, no matter how I feel, I’m called to do the same.
I would like to challenge all of us this week to show Christ-like compassion to someone we may have hurt, or receive it from someone we need to forgive. It is easy to tango. But we are chosen and called to love.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” -Colossians 3: 12-13
