So I have been trying to formulate a blog about training camp for a few days, I got back on Sunday the 25th and the processing has not quite been the same for me as others seem to be going through. I have read and heard others saying that they have been under attack, that the enemy has been beating them down and that they feel alone and exiled, and then there’s me … I’m happy, happier then I have been in a while. I feel free and liberated from my previous worries. Some might say “that’s amazing” or “that’s so great” but here’s the thing, ask me how many times I have read my bible (or spent any time at all with God) in the last week. Yeah… see there’s the red flag.
My training camp experience was great, I loved it but I wouldn’t say I really had any significant break through’s while I was there. I connected with God, experienced some great worship, listened to some amazing teaching, cried a little (a little more then a little at times) but all in all I don’t believe I had any of those “aha” moments, no holy spirit heart rate moments. For me I believe it was about reestablishing the relationship. Having been at an AIM training camp before (for passport) I had already experienced the amazing God we serve, I have been transformed through that relationship in the ways AIM sets you up to be. I had just seriously forgotten what that connection was like. I know that He will no doubt blow my mind wide open again and again but training camp was not that for me. So when I came home, I was just (and still am) on a high from being close to Him again. So why haven’t I reached out to Him?
You see I have never had any trouble believing that I am worthy of His love and acceptance. I don’t mean that in a prideful way, I have just heard that so many times growing up that I truly believe that God loves us and accepts us no matter where we are in our lives and I want everyone to know that freedom. No, the problem that I have always had was believing that God is enough for me. (Wow, that sounds almost more prideful then before)
So what does this have to do with this blog?
I believe that since coming home I have been being distracted by the enemy. I have been caught up in the amazing people I met and the relationships that I formed at camp. I have been wrapped up in the potential friendships that next year holds and through that I have been ignoring God. It’s the perfect plan for attacking me. I want a relationship with God, but I want relationships with people too and those are on equal footing with God. It has always been that way; I want God, the Guy, the family, the friends and none more important then the other, all the while God just wants me. All of me. Not the just the love I designate for him along with everyone else. His word says that we should love Him so much that in comparison we hate everyone else. That’s a lot. That song “He is jealous for me”, it’s not wrong. How could he not be, the attention He so rightfully deserves I am giving wholly to other things. My challenge is not feeling lonely; in fact it’s the opposite. My challenge is feeling to content and not feeling like I need God.
While I was at training camp I remember hearing God say that He wanted my attention when I was at home too and that’s what I have to do. I have to remember Him in my comfort, as well as in my despair.
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