As you can see (with my lack of update) …I am terrible with transitions.
Good thing is that the Lord is awesome, all the time.
Further in depth, I just graduated from college a little over a month ago. Since then I have stuffed my life full of vacations, jobs, evening gatherings with old friends, and anything else that will help clutter my life to where I don’t have to face the truth. I convince myself that they are all good and necessary things but in turn, I am really avoiding coming to terms with the fact that I am in one of the biggest transitions of my life.
The truth is that I am done with college. I am no longer a student– something that I have been called and identified with for 95% of my life. I also am no longer a part of my college community. I spent 4 years building and deepening my relationships with all sorts of amazing people. God truly blessed me with friends and a Christian community at College of Charleston where I could learn, grow, and be humbled through incredible experiences. However, now that I have reached my “ending” of this particular era, I have to also face the truth that the community that I had will never be the same. I will never be a part of it the way I was as a student. I am not saying that I am divorcing all those people and never talking to them again, but I have to finally admit that a new chapter is beginning.
So here I am bringing to light my difficulty with transitions and resting in the fact that my Heavenly Father is forever faithful. He provided someone to sublease my home in Charleston. I left that beautiful city and moved back in with my parents to save money for the summer. The Lord also gave me a job out of the blue and He continues to guide me to places and people to help support me and encourage me along my journey.
My life certainly isn’t over now that I am out of college. To some people, they feel that way. I feel somewhat that way in random spurts but unlike my changing emotions– we have a God that is constant, never changing, and always faithful. Our home is not here on this earth and my plan that is set before me is not over… it’s just beginning. I see that and it’s magical. God has done incredible things to get me to this point in my life and I am so thankful for everything that has been provided along the way.
To be honest, just like I don’t know where I am going with this particular blog post…. It’s just like I don’t know where I am going in my future. I can try to be perfect in my writing and witty or funny, just like I can try to get my life “just right” or do it the way I think Jesus or everyone else wants me to do my life. But that is not what God wants. He wants me to fall in love with Him because of the love He has for me. Jesus loves not because we love him or do the right things, He loves us because that is who He is… Love. I know God is sovereign and using this transition to prepare me in good, deep ways. It’s so cool to see how He is allowing me to go through these hard transitions from community to community and place to place– when in a couple of months I will be forced to do that 11 times for 11 countries.
Our God is good. I’ve seen His goodness every day. Some in big ways, some in small. But He is always good.
The song that is stuck in my head right now is Chris Tomlin’s “God’s Great Dance Floor” song that I heard on the radio yesterday and I don’t think it is a coincidence. Here are the lyrics and how applicable they are to me in this moment.
I’m coming back to the start
Where You found me
I’m coming back to Your heart
Now I surrender
Take me
This is all I can bring
I’m coming back to the start
Our God is freedom
And here we feel Your heart
Your heartbeat for us
Take me
This is all I can bring
[Chorus:]
You’ll never stop loving us
No matter how far we run
You’ll never give up on us
All of heaven shouts: let the future begin
Let the future begin
So yes I have avoided this blog for a long time because I was scared to face the truth that this thing is real. I am leaving behind the past and I’m moving forward. I’m running the RACE that is set before me. But the good news is that I am not doing it in my own strength or for my own personal desires, I am doing it because I have sunk in an ocean of grace and have tasted the meaning of love; therefore, my entire life is a transition period….waiting for the Heavenly realms and to be with my Friend and Savior.
