Like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, I see the road ahead and know it is challenging, uncertain, and quite frankly frightening.
As a young boy some of my most cherished memories were outside. Some of these memories include digging up worms and taking them to my mom, pretending I was Legolan, Legolas’s son from The Lord of the Rings, running around my front and back yard using sticks as bows and arrows and swords as I would slay Orcs and defend my home from enemies. And some of my most fond memories are hiking around in the woods behind my house with Taylor Mathis who lived behind me, and we’re still friends to this day.
All little boys have underlying themes. The desire to get dirty, go fast, wrestle, and adventure. It’s how our Father created us to be. He created us to be strong. To prove to ourselves that we have what it takes, to defend those in need, and to fight for what is right. That boy inside a man does not go away.
However, a boy also wants things his way. I always wanted to be the boss and get things my way and when I wanted them. That boy also lives inside a man. I may be young, but I have experienced the boy coming out in me over the past several weeks. He’s been screaming about this adventure I am about to embark on. The boy has often says, Can you really live a year on your own? Without friends and family? Do you really think you can live without a bed for a span of eleven months? You’re not a missionary. You’re a young man what do you know? You’re so naive. You’ve only been following the Lord for a short time, how could you make be sent to the front lines of God’s Armies? There are people all over the world you can send, why send me?
Then the man rises up inside of me. I feel the Father tell him he is with me.
In these moments of fear and inadequacy I feel the Spirit of the Lord remind me of who I am in him as a son. That my God keeps watch over his children, all day and all night he keeps watch and protects us. That he is a God that is alive, that he spoke the entire cosmos into creation in a single breath. I am reminded that the God I serve is Holy, that he has a plan for me, and that he always watches me. There is nowhere I can go, no height nor depth that could separate me from him and in these moments I find comfort in my Heavenly Father’s arms.
I am reminded of Jeremiah. An awesome man of God who thought he was too young. That he didn’t measure up, that he didn’t have what it took to live up to God’s expectations. The Lord told him “Do not say I’m too young; you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you.” ‘For see, today I have made you strong like a fortified city that cannot be captured, like an iron pillar or a bronze wall. You will stand against the whole land— the kings, officials, priests, and people of Judah. They will fight you, but they will fail. For I am with you, and I will take care of you. I, the Lord , have spoken!”’ Jeremiah 1:18-19
God always has an answer. He is perfect in his love and knows how to comfort each one of his children in their weaknesses. I am learning to have confidence, not in me, but in my God.
