I wanted to start by apologizing for this long overdue update. When I arrived in Central America I lost my computer charger which meant I couldn’t type and my phone was stolen around the same time, so I didn’t have an easy and super consistent access to anything to be able to write!!
Forgive me also in my scattered-ness. Processing is hard and trying to finalize my thoughts and put a “conclusion” on the journey I have been on is not easy. I have been home in many places before coming back to North Carolina, and I have struggled to collect my thoughts. This crazy whirlwind of a journey that the Lord has brought me through has been the greatest adventure of my life. The past nine months can’t be summarized.
One thing that it took me until now to realize is that my words don’t have to be perfect. (Funny how many times people can tell you something but it still has to click for you.) I have always loved writing, probably because words have the ability to be so descriptive and so vulnerable. But with that I have also been afraid, especially the past nine months, to be vulnerable and authentic in my writing and afraid that I couldn’t communicate clearly. I didn’t want to post anything until I was absolutely sure it was exactly what I meant to say and had read it a hundred times from every possible direction. But something I heard recently really struck me… “people miss out on a cool part of God’s glory when I don’t speak.” WHAT. In my silence, people around me miss out on a unique and different part of His creation, His mind, His work!! The beauty in individuality is so stunning to me. Even in my scattered, messy, broken, confused words, others will still witness a different part of the Lord’s heart.
First of all, I could’ve written none of these blogs without the people who sent me… who made it possible for me to step on my first plane and off my last. Without you this actually would not have been possible, and I have thought of you, my supporters, daily. Thank you. Your generosity took me on the greatest journey I could have imagined, where Jesus broke me, built me back up, and shaped me into the person I am now. Thank you for your love, time, donations and prayers. I could truly thank you for the rest of time.
Reflecting on this past year, I realize I have gone from a skeptic to a believer. I have learned so much… more than would be possible to type here or talk about for less than several hours. I had the label of a Christian, but not the faith of one. I had religion in a box right next to God. It didn’t last very long.
9 months, 6 countries, 1 backpack, a church of 50 and I have just begun a journey towards understanding truth. I feel like that is the best way to describe the past year. When did truth fade from the central focus of my faith? The truth of who I am comes from the truth of who He is. There are still so many things I don’t know, so many things I don’t understand. I’m learning everyday. This world wrecked me. It is a privilege to learn from it and to learn from my Father who sent me.
God’s word was always something I knew about and looked at every once in a while, and my relationship with Him was very pause/play. Pause during the week and play during church events. I opened my Bible maybe at church when I happened to remember it. But this year I learned what Scripture is… truth. It is the very BREATH OF GOD, recorded for us, sinful people saved by grace, to dwell on. To remember. To hide in our hearts. And most importantly, to share with others. There is a reason Jesus left us here on earth. Our very purpose here, the very purpose of our existence is to share the gospel. To tell people that in their brokenness, in their sin, there is forgiveness and freedom and love through Jesus Christ.
This year, one of, if not the biggest things that changed for me was the magnification of Scripture in my life. In India, the Lord told me to read Matthew. Through the words I read He said to me, “see how I lived to see how you should live.” So simple but so HUGE! The Bible became not something I glanced at every once in a while, but something I lived in and by, walking every day in the truth of what the Lord says about me and His people and following His call that He gives to everyone to follow Him and to tell the world His name. Trying to live more like Jesus. The fact that we have direct access to God still blows my mind every time I think about it. In Nepal, I learned so much about reverence. We talk so much about how we have direct access to God, but seem to think little about the weight of His holiness. I think that sometimes we are asleep to the reality of our God. We understand that we can approach Him boldly and with confidence, but in that, how often do we approach Him in awe? In reverence? It can only drive our hearts to repentance and worship.
Another thing I grew in so much is my understanding of worship. I love musical worship. But “worship” is simply the act of adoring God for who He is. Over the past year I started thinking… what would happen if everyone worshipped to Jesus? What if worship was between me and God? What freedom would we experience? What freedom could the American church experience? I believe in a revival in the church through worship if we would bow to truth instead of our image.
The community of the World Race is nothing like I was used to. My church was made of 40+ teenagers, crazy for Jesus, living to share the gospel and pursue truth. It’s real and bold, unrefined, raw. Loud. Messy but beautiful. Loving, understanding, trusting. Believing God for who He says Himself to be. Applying His word. Choosing everyday to follow. Worship without fear. Living like heaven is all around us. A family I hold in the most precious place in my heart.
So friends, thank you. Thank you for trusting me, for praying for me, for supporting this chapter of my life. Thank you for believing in my mission even on the days where I thought I couldn’t make it another hour. As cliche as it sounds, the race really is the beginning. Coming home did not mark the end, but the launch of this journey that I will continue on. And hear me when I say… you don’t have to go on something like this to have this experience with the Lord! There is NOTHING magical about the World Race. Study the truth of Scripture, pray and listen, seek Jesus and obey Him. He is speaking, and we will hear Him if we are only willing to listen.
