Won’t You Dance With Me?

If you have known me for any decent amount of time, you will know that I spent a significant amount of my life as a dancer. From the age of 6 to the age of 18, I spent the majority of my waking hours in a leotard and tights. I spent 4 to 6 hours of most weekdays at the dance studio practicing ballet, jazz, or modern dance. It’s safe to say that for the most part, I did not enjoy being a dancer. I never had the perfect form or skill. Many times, I resented the time that I spent at the studio, and often left there feeling frustrated and inadequate. When I graduated from high school, I made a promise to myself that I would never dance again. And, apart from participating in one anniversary performance with my former dance studio, I have kept that promise for 6 solid years.
 

 
It all started when our squad leader, Rachel, showed up in Ireland to spend our last week with us, and she carried with her a satchel full of flags. She told us that God had told her to buy the flags and bring them with her. He told her that people would dance with them and they would be used to set people free. Until that month, she had been the only person to spin them.
 
From the moment I saw them, I could hear God telling me to dance with them… Ha! Surely, He was confused. I had never danced with flags before! I had a feeling that if I tried, I would end up smacking myself, or someone else, in the face with them. So, I ignored His still, small voice, and went on about my business.
 
As a side note: Since Training Camp in May, I have been praying and asking God to reveal to me my Spiritual gifts. I had been reading books on Spiritual gifts, analyzing my life and talents, even praying for specific gifts that I would prefer over others. What had I heard in response?

 
We transitioned from Ireland to Ukraine and Rachel stayed with us for another 2 weeks there. Obviously, the flags came along, as well. In Ukraine, we were paired with another team for the month. The leader of the other team was the ever wonderful Caleb Durham. People, this guy is charismatic! Being paired with Caleb’s team brought a whole new dynamic to our worship time. In Ireland, we would turn on our iPods and sing worship music pretty frequently, but the passion never seemed to take root.
 
In our home in Ukraine, Bria (one of the 3 daughters of our ministry host) played guitar and sang like an angel. One evening, we asked her to lead us in a few worship songs. The atmosphere was very different from what we had experienced in our worship time in Ireland. Rachel stood at the front of the room spinning her flags, Caleb jumped up and down in the back, and the rest of us stood, sat, or laid on the ground taking it all in. Watching Rachel spin, I again felt God tug at my heart, and again I ignored Him. It had been too long since I had danced… I wasn’t ever very good anyway… I did not want to look like a fool in front of all of these people…. The lies went on and on.
 
Bria began singing a new song. One I had never heard before. The lyrics went like this… “Won’t You dance with me, oh Lover of my soul, to the song of all songs?”
 

 
I didn’t want to dance. I didn’t know how to dance. But I knew He had purposed this song just for me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, stood up… and left the room. Outside the room where we were singing sat the bag of flags. I picked up two flags and then laid face-down on the ground…
 
And then the dancing came. I started on my knees, trying to feel out the flags with just my arms. Eventually, I stood, feeling somewhat like a fawn trying out her new legs for the first time. I spun with the flags over my head. I moved and the flags moved. The sound of the flags in the air was like the rustling of wings, and I felt as if my feet were close to leaving the ground. The next thing I knew, I was spinning and leaping around the room to the sound of His praises. I remember thinking that I had never felt closer to God, and that I never wanted that feeling to end.
 
And then I was spotted.
 
Some of my teammates had seen me through the doorway. They came rushing out, excitedly, and asking me to come into the room and dance. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. This belonged to me and God. That’s it.
 
A few minutes later, Caleb came to me. He prayed with me. He told me that the freedom that was released through my dancing would release freedom in others. He told me that this gift was meant to be shared.
 
Gift. Ha. What I had been wishing, praying, begging for. And here it was. Dance. The one thing that had brought me such feelings of insecurity and inadequacy for so many years. And God was redeeming that. He was using this gift to bring me to a new place of worship with Him.
 
But there they were. Those insecurities rising again. The enemy was trying hard to suffocate the liberation that this gift was bringing to my life, and I wasn’t about to let him win this one.
 
So, I stood. I walked in to the front of the room, faced the wall, and I danced as if He was the only one watching.

It was the most beautiful, intimate experience I have ever had in my life.  I was filled with unending confidence and joy. Freedom was unquestionably released in that room.
 
While I am still walking through the process of exploring this gift, I cannot stop praising God for His goodness. Whether alone or with others, with flags or without, He has redeemed my dance and is using it for His glory. He has truly taken the brokenness inside me from the past few years and months and turned it into pure, childlike joy. And I can’t help but want to share it with the world. Praise God!