This morning, my team was invited to enjoy homemade pancakes at the home of the pastor and his wife whom we have been partnering with this month. Instead of sitting around the breakfast table with them, laughing and enjoying this lovely treat, I sit here alone at the church and writing this blog. Why? Because I was called by God to be in a period of fasting.
This is not the first fast that God has called me to, but this fast was different from any that I have participated in before. God called me to this fast about 2 weeks ago, but I knew at that time that my heart wasn’t ready. So, I spent the following week and a half seeking God’s guidance for this fast. With time, He began to make things very clear. It was to be a complete fast: fasting from everything except for water, and it would last, as I said earlier, for 3 days. As the details started falling into place, my anticipation for this fast became stronger and stronger. I was literally on the edge of my seat to see what God had in store for these 3 days. This past Sunday during church, I felt God saying that it was time. He still hadn’t revealed what the purpose of my fast would be, but I trusted that that would come with time. So, at midnight Sunday night I relinquished my desire for food in exchange for my desire to be revived in my relationship with Him.
Monday: I was excited! I woke up with as much anticipation as a kid on Christmas morning! I couldn’t wait to see what God had in store. That morning, we worked harder manually in our ministry than we had all month, so any energy from food that my body had still stored was zapped. I would retreat during meal times to be alone, read my Bible, worship, and pray. It wasn’t until around dinnertime that reality began to truly hit. There’s a little thing in my family that we like to call “The Roehler Curse”. My dad’s side of the family has a bad habit of getting pretty grumpy when they’re hungry, and my 2 siblings and I were blessed enough to have this trait passed on to us. That night, we were cooking an early birthday dinner for Mary. We had buffalo and cream cheese chicken, candied carrots, and grilled peppers and zucchini. It looked and smelled amazing! A little voice inside me said, “Hey, it’s not a big deal. Why don’t you just eat while it’s dark and fast during the day?” This was a fast that I had done before. I was so tempted. And then I checked my heart. God had specifically called me to a complete fast. I realized that this was the enemy tempting me in my weakness, and because I was able to see this, God got the victory. I was still hungry, grumpy, and waiting for God to show His purpose, but Satan didn’t win… Even when they brought out the fixin’s for homemade banana splits.
Tuesday: I woke up feeling awesome. I wasn’t hungry. I just knew that this meant that God was going to move in a BIG way. Our team realized that we needed to start taking our malaria medicine in preparation for Kenya. Without thinking, I took my Doxycycline and popped it in my mouth like candy. Terrible idea. NEVER take an antibiotic on an empty stomach! About 20 minutes later, after the medicine had had a chance to get into my system, I was sick as a dog. It took a few hours for the dizziness to pass, but after a while I was back to my normal, yet significantly weaker, self. Tuesday night, a wonderful woman named Nancy who I met here through my amazing pastor in Kentucky, held a birthday party for Mary. The party was beautiful and Nancy went above and beyond making grilled chicken, salad, chocolate cake pops, and a cappuccino-fudge cheesecake. I allowed myself a cup of hot tea so that I wouldn’t be quite as awkward sitting at the table while the others ate. Nancy was kind enough to send me with a slice of cheesecake and a cake pop for the road. However, as the night progressed, I found myself getting more and more agitated. Day two of my fast was already almost complete and God had still not revealed to me the purpose for this fast. I talked to my teammates about feeling like I was going about this all wrong. Some of my friends who had fasted in the past talked about never feeling hungry until the time that the fast was purposed to be complete. I was so hungry. It didn’t matter how much I read my Bible or prayed. I was hungry. All. The. Time. Was that wrong? But then I remembered that fasting can be a form of worship. Fasting is an act of saying “no” to the desires of the flesh… and of course the flesh isn’t going to be too fond of that. Food is a gift from God, but we should not ever find greater satisfaction in His gifts than we do in Him.
Wednesday: This morning began as a very challenging one. As my team left to fill their bellies with yummy breakfast, I sat begging God to show me why I was sitting here with an empty one. I had been so excited. I was so ready to see what He had in store. And I had experienced not much more than a growling stomach. But as I sat here, I began to realize that His sole purpose for this fast may have been simply to teach me obedience. To show me that I can complete the race that I have started, no matter how difficult it may be. And this revelation has brought me more rejuvenation than I thought possible.
“ I may be weak, but your Spirit’s strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will.” In these 3 days, I have had my moments of weakness, of wanting to surrender, and of feeling like I can’t go on. But maybe that was the point all along. I can do nothing without Him, and I refuse to finish this 3-day race, my 11-month Race, or the race of my life in anything other than the strength that only He can provide.
