This month as my team has been continuing to get to know one another and learning to live together, God has been teaching me about pursuing Him more in relationships. A World Race team is a really unique family set up. We live, do ministry, eat, travel, pretty much do everything with each other- like roommates on steroids. (And yes my teammates know I over-use the word steroi d.) Most everything on the world race is normal life on steriods. 🙂 But it is pretty great. Team life refines you in so many ways.
Being three months in already, there have been moments which have made me miss my past schedule and social life with friends. The other day a teammate and I had the chance to spend a whole afternoon together and go to dinner by ourselves!!! It was such a huge treat. Those are the things that make me miss my coffee dates and deep relationships back in the States. The cool thing is that my teammates will become that but God has been teaching me more this month about being a friend instead of needing them. Through a series of events, the Lord revealed my desire for mutual openness and vulnerability to affect my self-esteem and need for acceptance. I realized that I am used to people opening up and sharing with me. That makes me feel wanted and accepted. Yet I haven’t had many people truly open up to me on the race. My initial reaction was loneliness and to force people to be more open. The ugly face of sin stared me down.
James 3:13-17 “Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”
It hit me. I desire friendship out of selfish gain. It has taken such a change in perspective but it has been so freeing. Freeing because friendship with others is about Jesus and not us! The Lord has been so faithful this month to grow me and my friendships have flourished too. When we are focused on ourselves and selfish gain we will never be satisfied. Thank you Jesus for being true satisfaction and fulfillment!
Psalm 119:36 – “Incline my heart to your testimonies and not to selfish gain!”
