The past week and a half of my life has been rough.
Right now I'm sitting in the sand twenty feet from the ocean. I'm so in love with my life I feel giddy.
It's been an interesting journey from Honduras to Nicaragua, physically and emotionally. It was a nine hour bus ride from Tegucigalpa to Grananda for debrief. On Wednesday it took two vans, one school bus and a taxi for the seven of us, seven packs, the rest of our possessions and two six day old kittens that my teammate Ada rescued to make it to our new ministry in Candelaria, Chinandega with New Song Ministries. You can check out their website here: newsongmissionnicaragua.com
Spiritually the journey has been even more complicated. God broke me in Honduras. And He is restoring me in Nicaragua. While last month was less than two weeks ago, I feel ages away from the person I was there. Torn down to be built back up better than before. I didn't want to leave, but now that I have I see that I never could have stayed. I have no right to work and minister there as the person I was, without finishing this journey, without learning what God has to teach me this year.
Somewhere along this journey so far I lost my joy and excitement, but I lost it so that God could give me back a joy and excitement that comes only from Him. I lost my ability to do this race, but I lost it so that God could do it through me.
Mondays and Tuesdays are our days off this month, this week we are staying at a hostel on the beach. Last night the ocean kept calling to me. I couldn't stay away. For awhile I sat in front of our hostel, thinking about whatever, silly things, like being a mermaid. I eventually went back inside, but I couldn't stay away. As my feet hit the sand a second time, I walked over towards the jetty, a semi circle of rocks jutting into the ocean. I lost my breath. I don't know if I've ever seen anything so beautiful, and I think I stepped into the presence of God. He made that moment for me. To show me that he loved me. I kept wishing my eyes were big enough to take in all of the beauty, of the uncountable stars, the towering rocks and crashing waves. God's amphitheater, a better date than any person or place in the world could offer. The perfect representation of the beauty, security, mystery and ferocity of God's love. I think that's when God restored my joy. His joy. Joy that overcomes all hardships, all sorrows and all things.
