I feel pretty over this world race nonsense.
We left Honduras yesterday. I'm heartbroken. I would quit the race in a second and stay in Honduras if God said okay.
We arrived at our hostel in Granada, Nicaragua last night for debrief. Everyone is thrilled to be here, it really is perfect. There is sunshine everywhere, tropical flowers, parrots up in the palm trees and a smoothie shack twenty feet away from where I sit in my hammock in the breeze and I just want to cry. My heart aches instead for yelling boys, barking puppies, my dusty swing by the road and the messy excitement of changing hearts.
I have barely taken any pictures this month, and I have only posted three blogs when I wish I could have posted one every day. Besides not having internet, I haven't had the words. I think the more I love and care about something the harder it is for me to involve other people in it and express how I feel about it.
There are so many things I was not expecting from this month.
I was not expecting to become best friends with a seventeen year street kid. I was not expecting to get so attatched to any people or places this year. I was not expecting to plan on returning to Cental America. I was not expecting the race to be so hard in the ways that it is. I was not expecting to smell like stinky boy most of the time due to the ten thousand hugs and kisses I received every day. I was not expecting to teach music class one day in Spanish with no prior notice, planning or instruction. I was not expecting to perform the Cupid Shuffle in front of a school full of teenagers. I was not expecting my ipod touch and headlamp to get stolen. I was not expecting to learn so much about how to purely love and be loved.
"You're perfect for this place."
I can't wait to get back to Honduras. I can't finish this race and right now I don't want to. But God can. His plans and timing are perfect. He knows what He is doing and how He is working. I can trust Him to take care of my boys as He works in my life this year even though I struggle with not being with them for such a long time. I am excited for what He has in store right now and a year from now.
Right now I feel like pieces of my heart are crumbled all over our home and work this month. But I am so joyful in the goodness of the Lord and the blessings of Honduras in my life now and to come.
