Driving up Wellspring and turning into Adventures headquarters my heart was pounding. Seeing that sign again meant something completely different from what it did just over a year ago. I remember looking out the rear view mirror in 2014 overjoyed to see that sign disappear . Training camp had been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. It was also one of the greatest encounters with God I had ever experienced.
When I heard about PSL I remember thinking immediately , “Nope, not happening . ” I didn’t even think twice. I wanted to walk away from the race and wave at it in my rear view mirror the same way I had done previously . I was going to take the nuggets of wisdom and growth and run with it. I wasn’t thankful for the opportunity I had been given to seek God through an organization dedicated to seeing His kingdom established on earth.
Two months after hearing about PSL my confirmation email came saying that I was registered for PSL (thanks mom, no really. You knew I’d need it.) and two months after that I now sit in session completely overwhelmed at the goodness of God. I thought reentry would be cake. I missed my friends, I missed my family, I knew I would have a month to binge watch Netflix and catch up with chipotle like we had been separated from birth . I figured that the things I had learned would translate into my daily life and that everyone would be in awe of what God had done.
Yeahhhh …. About that. I found immediately that it was all just so much. America , family, friends, having a bed in a room by myself, running water I can drink , a church service with concert style worship and laser lights, and the feeling that no matter how much those around you love and support you, they will never be able to understand what the last year of your life was to you. They’ll never understand the roller coaster you felt like you rode not just once, but every single day for 11 months. They can relate, they can speak life, they can encourage, and be an ear to listen. But there’s just no way they could understand it all. I found myself hiding from my family and friends. I went from being the life of the room and loving the fact that my house was always full, to plugging in earphones and just waiting until there weren’t people downstairs waiting to ask you ” So what was your favorite country. Did you eat anything weird? Did you get malaria ? Did you ever think about quitting ?” And of course the most dreaded question, “So what’s next?” While inside I’d be screaming , “I. Have. No. Idea!!! Because Jesus , orphans, everyone’s poor, they need food, so much joy, so much heartache, so much healing, freedom, community, growth, pain, planes, trains, buses, boats, adventure, purpose, identity, bucket showers, all of the things, man! Just let me eat Mexican food and watch Grey’s Anatomy another week and then maybe I’ll have a better idea.”
I isolated myself and allowed myself to believe that I didn’t have the strength to overcome the bad habits and mindsets that come with being home. I believed the lie that I didn’t really change and I allowed the enemy to have a foothold and voice in my actions . Jesus doesn’t give us gifts to take them away. He doesn’t give us of His spirit because eventually it runs out and we can just appreciate it while it lasted. He is more than enough and what He has He has given us full authority over . We must hold tight to the truths we have found, the freedom, the peace.
I had the opportunity to sit in on the final session of launch for January 2016 routes before PSL started. Bill Swan spoke this statement, “We don’t need to be baby sons and daughters we need to take responsibility for what God is doing in this world , we are his plan . What does it look like for me to be an expression of kingdom everywhere I go.” I was smacked in the face with this truth. The race is over but the lessons I learned are just the beginning of the potential God wants to unlock . I am not a baby who needs to be coddled . I have seen the power and majesty of God at work in this world. I want intimacy with Jesus above all else and my hearts desire is to bring kingdom wherever I go. I am not at full capacity. There is so much growth and opportunity. PSL has been the wake up call I needed after the race, because even after The World Race God isn’t done being God. He’s not done with me. He’s not done with you. Will your heart and soul continue to say yes and amen even when you feel used up and burnt out? Will you allow God into those places you are weakest and humble yourself at the feet of Jesus ? Will you allow yourself to trade comfort for refinement?
Let’s bring some kingdom , let’s choose joy, and let’s have fun because Jesus is fun.
