My friends who have gone to Romania always come back saying how much they adore their time in this beautiful country. I completely understand now!
We spent our first three weeks outside of the capital, Bucharest, in a city called Calarassi. We stayed with American missionaries who have been in Romania for 13 years.
Looking back on this past month I have no idea where to even begin.
It came and went very quickly and so many things touched my heart.
We lived in one of the many projects they have in the area called the Hope Center. It is stationed in a Roma or Gypsy neighborhood. There is poverty like you can’t imagine and it is not a very safe place. We were heavily cautioned to stay inside and were locked in the majority of the time. We travelled to several nearby villages and did outreach through door to door, kids programs, and tent events .
Something that stood out to me was the impact this one missionary family had on this entire city. There were countless people who have and are continually coming to know Christ through the dedication and obedience of this family . They have raised leaders from within the communities who are passionate about seeing change in their villages. It is powerful and inspiring to see how God is using the willing hearts of the young adults in Calarassi under the direction of the founder, Brad. I find myself excited because I know whatever is happening, it is going to change things.
While this month was incredibly eye opening and daily filled my heart, It was also hard. This phrase is something I have to weigh carefully. My life isn’t hard. I wouldn’t look at my life and categorize it as one full of drastic hardship. I have two loving parents, a place to call home, a college education, and the opportunity to succeed . While I may not have ever experienced the hardship of the people around me, I find myself with an overwhelming compassion towards them.
But I have to ask… Where is God at?
Sometimes it’s easy to think He’s just some quiet observer standing on the sidelines.
When I see a child so emotionally , physically, and spiritually damaged that he can’t even function or be a child , it’s hard to praise God. When the very people who were put on this earth to protect and love the child in front of me, are the ones who have hurt him the most, I can’t lift my hands and sing hallelujah , I just can’t.
I can’t even hug this boy because the only time an adult has touched him was to use him and abuse him. My heart has broken almost daily this past year.
It’s something you have to put your game face on and power through. The people around us don’t need us to feel sorry for them. They just need to know the love of Jesus in a real and tangible way. That’s why I’m still here. Right now, this year, these countries, God wants me to be His hands and feet. He chose me to love them and I get to be a part of His plan .
Something I am working through right now is my obedience to God.
I hate that word, obedience. It’s not a fun one. Typically when we think of disobedience we think of being a kid again and it means that you’re doing something wrong.
This month I realized that in my attempt at obedience to God I was in fact doing the opposite. It’s not enough to just say yes. It’s not enough to travel for 11 months to 11 countries. Our actions must match our words and exceed them or else we are useless. That is something I’ve never been good at. As a Christian I realize my words are just fluff a lot of the time. We say what we think people want to hear, we sugar coat our cookie cutter statements because it makes us feel good. Being vulnerable only with the things that are easy, isn’t really vulnerability. So again, saying yes isn’t enough. I said yes to God, I trusted Him to raise the funds, I left America for a year. But what I’m finding is that when I thought I gave God a bone ….He wanted it all.
He didn’t take the bone because He needed what He could get, He took the bone because He’d later see if I’d be willing to give him everything. I haven’t been walking in obedience. The giftings and passions God has birthed in my heart have laid dormant as I’ve sat in insecurity and fear. Obedience isn’t always blatant rebellion. For me, it has been neglecting the calling and the call to action that God has set before me. Even if I don’t have concrete plans, or a clear picture of the future, He is still calling me to take baby steps in the right direction.
And what is the right direction?
Any direction that leads closer to His heart.
