As time quickly approaches for my departure for the World Race on the weekend of September 5th, there have been so many thoughts come to mind and much more emotions come into my heart. So, with many of you continuing to read and follow this journey God has called me on, I am promising you to do my best in expressing myself, while also being as real and truthful as possible by continually allowing you into my heart and seeing God’s hands at work.
In the middle of this current season of transitioning into a new chapter of my life, I’ve realized that things have not been quite easy for me to process lately. By no means did I imagine this would be an easy road. Much less a stressful one. I really just never put much thought into how this time, before launching in September, could have become such a challenge. You see, the moment I realized I was accepted into the World Race back in December, I was so filled with excitement that all I wanted to do was jump onto the next flight to Africa! Never really thinking much about what the next eight months of transitioning would entail or how I would need to prepare to get there. But here I am today, flying out in a few hours to make my way to Georgia for Training Camp and with only about 63 days away from leaving the country! What!? 
Where did time go!?
With so many thoughts boggling my mind these past few weeks, I’ve been praying about what God would like me to share with you all since my last blog in April. As I’ve been struggling going back and forth about a few things, I was continuously reminded about God’s grace throughout this time. So if I could, I would just like to take a moment and just be real. I have been battling some things and failing God lately.
In the times where I should have been spending time in God’s Word and preparing my heart for this journey, I’ve let God, myself, and others down instead. In the times where God wanted a moment with me, instead I allowed my flesh to overtake me, allowing sin to rule over some of my actions and decisions. These decisions have led me to endured some hard times in the last two months. Moments where the enemy took all my joy. Moments where I became lost in the guilt and shame of my poor decisions.
Through this time, I felt so unworthy of this opportunity with the World Race. Did I have thoughts about giving up? Yes. Did I have second thoughts about the World Race? Regrettably yes. Have I questioned whether or not I was truly being called onto this journey? Definitely.
As a Christian who, just in the last few years, has fully devoted herself to pursuing God’s amazing heart, I continue to learn more and more about Him and His Amazing Grace. I may have not been raised in a Christian home where this Truth has been poured onto me on a daily basis but I do continue to pursue it. As a matter of fact, I’m what some may call a “first generation Christian”, so walking this life without my family as believers has been a struggle (As I continue to pursue Jesus Christ and His Truth, I am not giving up on the fact that I know in my heart one day God will answer my prayers for each one of them to come to know Him and accept Him as their Lord and Savior). But God truly has been so gracious to me in that He’s blessed my life with many believers who have been walking this life with me and continually keep pouring into my life. (Thank you, Lord!)
Though I have failed God lately with my negative thoughts, He continually pours His grace over me. Though I have hurt people close to my heart, God still gives me His grace and forgiveness. Though I have and continue to make mistakes, He doesn’t condemn me but continues to love me unconditionally. Above all, as I continue to learn and grow in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, He has not let go of His provision for my life to be on this journey today. As much as I can question everything, He continues to miraculously work everything out. He shows up in ways my heart can’t even fathom.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
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Heavenly Father, thank you for choosing me and placing this desire in my heart to reach the unreachable for Your Glory. Guide my heart and mind as I go forward into this chapter of my life. I give you my heart, Lord, to lead wherever you desire and to serve others around the world. I ask all these things in Your Precious Name, Jesus Christ, Amen.
