As I’m sitting here thinking about what to write a blog on, I keep hearing the Lord to share my testimony. My story of how I truly came to know Jesus. And honestly it’s not something I really want to post on the internet, but when the Lord speaks, you have to listen. So here we go.
Some of my earliest childhood memories are from either church or school. I’ve grown up always going to church and in a private, Christian school. So as I grew up, I could answer your questions about the different Bible stories, I could quote scripture about different topics, and I knew a lot about God (or so I thought). But to me, being a Christian was going to church on Sunday morning, going to youth group, and saying the right things. And for a long time, I absolutely loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed Sunday night youth group, playing games with my friends, and always being able to spit out the right answers. But as I got older, I got tired of having to know the right words and memorizing scripture became more of a chore than a privilege.
My 7th grade year, I was introduced to pornography. It started out as a hormonal kid just surfing the internet, and turned into a 5 year addiction (which I will write more about in a future blog). It was something that I was so ashamed of, but as I heard more and more things about it either online or in conversation, it became normalized in my mind. It became something that “Isn’t that bad. At least I’m not really having sex.”
November of my junior year of high school I decided that I was done with the church and done with God. I didn’t have much of a reason other than the fact that I wanted to go have worldly fun. And I could drive, so I could go out and drink or smoke on a Saturday night, stay at a friend’s house, and sleep in through church. I mean at least I wasn’t a murderer or something, right?
February of my junior year rolled around and the drugs, alcohol, and porn still weren’t satisfying my search for joy. I was laying in bed one night just thinking about what I had been doing, and remembered what I had always heard about a relationship with Jesus as opposed to religion. So I decided that I would start going back to church and give this whole relationship thing a chance. So in April of that year, I truly committed my life to Christ. And let me tell you, it was the best decision that I’ve ever made. Life was still hard, and still is at times. But there was something inside of me that kept me going, even in the tough times. I was able to rely on the Lord through the hard times. Now I’ll be honest, it still took me months to get over my addiction to pornography, and there were times when I messed up and drank, but I’m forever thankful for the grace and love of God that covers all my sin. A God who sent down His only son, and endured so much pain solely because of His love.
I’m not really sure who the Lord asked me to write this blog for, but whoever you are, just know that regardless of how far you’ve run, regardless of your past, regardless of all circumstances, the Father has never stopped chasing you. He’s right there ready to accept you with open arms. He loves you so much. Trust me, a relationship with Him is so much better than just following the rule, doing the right things, or trying to have worldly fun.
And if there’s anybody reading this who’s struggling with anything I’ve battled, or things I haven’t, please reach out to me. I’d love to talk with you. Feel free to shoot me an email: [email protected]
