We found ourselves in a heap near the bottom of the unforgiving mountain. The jungle had proved to be too much for these 7 Americans to handle. A quick survey and I struggled to distinguish whether the blood on my body was from myself or my teammates lying all around me. I wiped the mud and sweat from my face and my weak legs struggled to pull my body up before falling another 15 feet down the steep trail…
*record scratch*
I bet you’re wondering how we got into this mess. Better yet, you may be thinking I’m being a exaggerating and being dramatic. Well let me tell you, if you think that then you are absolutely right. Let me start from the beginning.
After traveling for two days straight on two planes and almost 20 hours on a bus from Bangkok to northern Thailand, our tired bodies were so thankful to finally roll into the tiny village on the Thailand/Burma border. After a few brief introductions and a meal with our ministry host, we blew up our sleeping pads, half-heartedly dangled our mosquito nets above us, and slept like rocks. The next day was a breeze: waterfalls, good food, lots of laughs, and an impromptu journey across the border into Burma (make that 12 countries in 11 months). We had worship time with the many children we are ministering to this month and we heard these fateful words, “The children are going into the jungle tomorrow to look for food if any of you want to join.”
“Sign us up!” we all said.
The next morning was a blur. I rolled off my sleeping pad, got about an hour of Jesus time, ate breakfast (which wasn’t canned fish soup this time, thank You Lord), and geared up for the excursion. Long pants, long sleeve shirt, running shoes, and my trusty knife that my brother gave me… just in case a tiger tried to take us, of course. We followed our guide and new friend, Paul, to the trail head. Surrounded by children between the ages of 10 and 18, I looked at the well-worn path into the trees and didn’t have a single doubt in my mind.
“Let’s look for food!” they said.
“It will be fun!” they said.
About 30 seconds into the journey, the incline increased dramatically. I find myself looking straight up a mountain trail that was slick from a monsoon rainstorm the night before. My first regret was wearing running shoes. While I’m glad my little piggies were protected from the critters on the ground, my footwear provided no traction when trying to scale the mighty Mud Mountain. I move to the right of the path and begin using my arms to pull my body up the trail by grabbing one bamboo tree after another. To my left is an assortment of Thai children trudging up the mountain in flip flops without so much as a bead of sweat on their brow. In front/above me is half of my team while the other half is right behind me.
After about 30 minutes of huffing and puffing up this mountain, we get to a flat spot and we stop to breathe. Right then I had a horrible realization.
We have to go back down somehow.
By this point I have sweat pouring down my body and collecting in my socks. I take a quick assessment of my team and at least I’m not alone. We were getting whooped by these kids.
Our guide leads us a little further to our foraging spot and he whips out a couple of hand saws. Turns out we were also gathering wood. 30 more minutes of sawing a large log and our team begins to realize it’s time to go. We let our guide know we are going to head back down and a few girls volunteered to escort us back.
“HA!” I thought.
“They think they need to help us.”
In front of me, Emmy and Katie led us down the mountain. A sweet girl held Emmy’s hand and I watched them gracefully step like gazelles down toward the bottom. Katie struggled to keep her footing and I quickly realized the rest of our team would not have a graceful experience like Emmy.
Then it started.
Katie went down and knocked Emmy off her feet.
Emmy went down and knocked the sweet girl off her feet.
I saw the chaos beginning and I started to laugh nervously. At this point I know it’s only a matter of time. I step slowly and try to save the little bit of dignity I have left. In a flash I’m on the ground. I stand up and walk a few more steps. BAM. On the ground. Up again. A few steps forward. BOOM. On the ground. This time is a little different. We had reached the steep incline again and I slid a few yards toward Bekah.
Now I’m covered in mud and I just want the humiliation to end.
“Hey, y’all. I have an idea.”
{let the record show that very few good ideas start with these 6 words}
I look down at my teammates and I let go of all my inhibitions. In a muddy, sweaty blur I fly past Bekah narrowly missing her. Then I whirred past Katie and Emmy and the sweet girl. At this point I’m yelling at my team and saying “Just go!” I get a little nervous and pull off to the left to gather myself. I heard a scream and I looked up to see Kim whiz past me laughing hysterically screaming “I’M GONNA PEE MY PANTS!”
A few seconds later she’s 10 yards below me screaming “I PEED MY PANTS!” I can barely breathe at this point. I am laughing so hard I can feel washboard abs forming despite the bucketloads of carbs we’ve been eating. I whipped out my phone and started filming.
I’ve attached a few moments of the hysteria here:
I smashed into Katie and looked back to see Kyle embracing the experience as well. He had been holding two bamboo stalks to help stabilize himself on the trail, but one had become lodged under his body. I saw my life flash before my eyes as I realized Kyle and I were in a jousting match with sharpened bamboo sticks except I didn’t have a stick and Kyle had the advantage of Newton’s laws of motion. At the last second, he managed to slow himself down enough to keep from stabbing Katie and myself.
For the sake of time, I’ll wrap up this blog post. Long story short, we slid and slid and eventually found ourselves at the bottom of the mountain laughing until we were blue in the face. We were covered in mud and blood and we had bamboo sticks in places on our bodies where there should never be bamboo sticks. Well.. All of us except Carmen and Emmy. They managed to hold onto their dignity while we made fools of ourselves. Well done, ladies. Well done.
Anyway, all of this to say that month 3 in Thailand is a blast already. I love my team and I love this crazy adventure that God has invited me to be a part of. We begin teaching English in a high school in our village in a couple of days and we get to share the gospel through relational evangelism. Isn’t God good?
Also, special shoutout to my family members who are probably shaking their heads while reading this post. Love y’all! I promise I’m safe!
