The World Race for me so far has been one crazy journey, one that will forever change the course of my life and the person I am. There has been so many good times, tons of new memories, a lot of fun adventures, and I’ve met some incredible people. I’m extremely thankful for all that, it has all been amazing, but you know what else I’m thankful for? The times that weren’t amazing, the times when I felt alone, the times when I screwed things up, the times when I felt like the whole world was against me, the time’s when it was just so hard I wanted to give up and go home. There have been plenty of those times and there will be plenty more.
I’ve learned that those are the time’s that lead to growth, when I can’t make it on my own, so I have to rely on God. I didn’t come on this mission trip to learn to surf in Costa Rica and go volcano boarding down an active volcano in Nicaragua, though those things were fun. I came on this trip to grow closer to God, to grow into the man God created me to be, and to share some of His love along the way. I don’t want to go on this amazing trip around the world and come back a year later the same exact person I was before I left. I want to come back a new person, more full of the love of God, more present where I am, closer to Jesus, growing into the person He created me to be. But guess what? Growth sucks. It’s hard, it hurts, it’s uncomfortable, it forces you to learn things about yourself that you never wanted to know, it forces you to face things you’ve been avoiding your whole life, and it means leaving things behind that you don’t want to give up. It means uncovering the broken parts of your life and putting them on the table, where everyone can see them. How can you grow out of an area of brokenness in your life if you’re hiding it from yourself? You have to step into that brokenness before you can grow. Once you acknowledge your brokenness and step into it, then that’s where God can take the broken stuff and turn it into something amazing.
It’s easy to want the growth, everybody wants to grow into something better, but wanting to grow isn’t enough, you have to be willing to go through the hard stuff and be broken first. Wanting to grow but not being willing to dig into the brokenness first is like wanting to complete a marathon but never registering to race in it. You’re never going to cross the finish line if don’t put yourself in a position where you can cross the starting line first. It’s not natural to push into things that bring you pain, it’s not easy, but the end result is so worth it. It took me leaving my home and family and friends for a year and going to Central America living on $5 a day to realize that.
At the end of month 1, during debrief, I had a meeting with one of my leaders, and he told me he wanted me to really push myself into the hard stuff, the stuff that leads to growth. To really give myself to Jesus and let him transform me, and he told me to wake up every morning and tell God that I want what He has for me and I want to go where he leads me. It’s funny, right after I started doing that, I went through a really hard time that lasted a couple weeks. The enemy attacked me in almost every area I’ve ever struggled with, and it sucked. It took me a while to make the connection between the trial I was going through and the fact that I was asking God for it every morning, and that God was leading me to growth. Then one day I opened up my bible and God took me straight to these verses.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” –James 1:2-4
He tells us to consider it pure joy as we face these hard things, knowing that it will bring us to a better place then where we were when we started, it will lead to being mature and complete, not lacking anything. That’s not going to be the first thing on your mind when you’re going through a hard trial, but remember that it’s actually a really good place to be, and it won’t be for nothing if you don’t let it. We have the creator of the universe by our side, and He only wants the best for us. So while growth requires brokenness and being uncomfortable, if we keep diving into a relationship with Him, and abiding in Him, we have a never-ending source of joy, God, which we are always with. We can still have joy through the hardship. So rather than finding happiness in the situation we are in, and not having happiness when we’re in a hard situation, we can go to God and find never-ending joy. He has made that available to us, all we have to do is go and get it.
As I was writing this, I was flipping through my journal and found the words to a song I had written down, “Joy” by The Housefires, and it goes perfectly with this:
“You give me joy
Down deep in my soul
There’s beauty in my brokenness
I’ve got true love instead of pain
There’s freedom though you captured me
I’ve got joy instead of mourning
In your presence there is freedom
In your presence there is fullness
In your presence there is joy, joy forevermore.”
My challenge for myself has been to push into growth, which also means pushing into the pain and brokenness, and it hasn’t been easy, but looking back on the last few months I can definitely say it’s been worth it. Through it, God has taught me so much, and shown me little glimpses of what He has for me and who He wants me to be. It’s brought me into a deeper relationship with Jesus, and it has allowed me to better share the love of Jesus with the people around me. I have a feeling the best is yet to come, and there will be so much more growth in the future. My goal is to embrace that growth, and allow God to shape me and grow me so I can live in the fullness of what he created me for.
I’ve done some pretty cool things on this journey so far, but later on in life when I’m looking back on this crazy year, I have a feeling the part I’ll be most grateful for is the pain and brokenness I experienced that led to the growth, which shaped me into a better person, closer to Him and His word.
