A little over two weeks ago, I was headed to my 10 day Training Camp for the World Race. I was excited, nervous, and I had very little expectations. It turned out to be a life changing 10 days; more incredible, encouraging, life giving, uncomfortable, and fun than I ever thought possible. I was wrecked, pushed to my limits physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and I experienced God’s love and presence like never before.
1. I have created a false self.
The world we live in constantly tries to change us, and to be accepted by the world and to avoid pain, embarrassment, discomfort, and vulnerability, I have put on a false self. What I mean by that is I have created a version of myself that is not really who I am, in order to hide who I really am. Most of us probably do this to some extent, but I never actually knew I was doing this until training camp. So rather than being the person that God created in His image, the person He created me to be, I have become a person that I created in the image of the world, which is my attempt at gaining control. One of the troubles of doing this is I forgot who my true self is along the way, the person God created me to be. In the community, vulnerability, honesty, love, and grace I experienced at camp, God began to remind me what He created me for. He reminded me that my true self, my identity, is in Him, and that I am a child of God, loved by Him. He reminded me of the gifts he gave me and what He created me for. I’m a long way from living out my true identity, but it’s a process and I’m at the start of it.
2. My worth isn’t a question, because I’ve already been bought.
I have always struggled with my confidence. When I got to camp, I saw all these incredible people that had so many gifts and were good at everything I wanted to be good at. It seemed like they were so much more worthy of going on the race than me. I was full of doubt, thinking: “Am I really supposed to be here? What do I have to offer your kingdom, God? I’m not worthy of this.” The problem with all these questions and thoughts was that they were based on my performance. We live in a performance driven world, but that’s not what God cares about.
One day during worship, I was wrestling with those thoughts and praying about them, and someone came up behind me, put their hands on my shoulders, and said “God wants you to know that He is proud of you. He loves you. There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’re right where He wants you.” I immediately melted, and I felt His presence in me like never before. It was like a weight was lifted off of me at that exact moment, and there was nothing I could do but give Him all my praise. We started singing a “You’re a good good father, it’s who you are. And I am loved by you, it’s who I am.” Those words penetrated me and I believed them for the first time ever. I felt the words become true to me.
I was comparing myself to everyone around me, and ignoring the beauty in the way God made me. I was focusing on whether or not I’m doing enough, and I was too preoccupied with those thoughts to receive His love and let Him work through me. I will never perform well enough, because I am a sinner, but performance is not relevant to grace. Jesus paid the ultimate price for us when he died the most painful death known to man on the cross, and our sin is wiped clean in His grace when we receive Him, so it doesn’t matter how well I perform. Rather than trying to perform well and accomplish things myself, which will never amount to much, I want to invite the Holy Spirit into me and let Him work through me, because he can accomplish SO MUCH MORE.
3. Comfort is holding me back.
As almost all of the things I find comfort in were stripped away from me the second I left home, I learned that I don’t really need it. In fact, it’s been holding me back. When I am taken out of my comfort zone, I am forced to depend on God, trust Him, and find comfort in His peace, which is the ultimate comfort. The comfort I find in things of this world can be taken away in a quick second; jobs change, homes can be lost, relationships change, possessions can be lost. But God never changes, and He is always there, so when I seek Him for comfort, that can never be taken away, no matter where I am, who I’m with, what I have, where I work, or what my circumstances are. My desire for comfort is really just my desire for control, and when I let go, trust God, and give him the control, that’s when incredible things happen and lives are transformed. That’s when the Holy spirit can really take over me and work through me. I want my life to be transformed, I want to be wrecked, broken, and built back up for Jesus. So you can have my comfort, I don’t want it anyway.
4. Strangers can become family quicker than I ever thought possible.
When I arrived at training camp, I was quickly introduced to the 50+ strangers that are my squad mates, leaders, mentors, and coaches. I didn’t know any of these people, but before I know it, they went from being strangers to family in what seemed like overnight. They are the most incredible, loving, encouraging group of people I have ever met, and I couldn’t be more blessed to have the privilege of spending the next year with them. God is going to do amazing things through X Squad, I have no doubt. I love you all!
There is so much more I learned from training camp, but it’s impossible to write about all of it, and I’m still trying to process everything. If everything I learned, experienced, felt, and did at training camp filled a huge lake, this article is merely a cup full of it. Leaving training camp after 10 days, I felt like a new person. I got a glimpse of how God sees me, I learned so much, I experienced love and life like never before, and I experienced raw, authentic, vulnerable community like never before. The American Dream is not big enough for me. I have Kingdom Dreams.
Currently, I am 36% funded at $5,905 of the $16,267 total to be fully funded. In order to leave in September, I must raise $4,095 in the next 4 weeks. That’s over $1,000 a week, so if you feel led to partner with me by making a donation, click the “Support Me!” button on this page. I’m $10,362 from being fully funded. I would love to be fully funded before launch in 5 weeks, and I know that’s a HUGE goal, but I don’t think it’s too big for God.
More importantly, if you feel led to partner with me by praying for me, I would be extremely grateful. Prayer is extremely powerful, and I need prayer more than I need anything else. If you would like to commit to faithfully, consistently praying for me, please fill out this google form and I’ll add you to an email list that I will use to send out specific prayer requests and updates. To sign up for the prayer list: http://goo.gl/forms/b6UqB4RJKt
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I have been so blessed by all my supporters, and the prayers and donations are very much appreciated.
