Hello friends!
It’s been awhile, and I do apologize. It’s been a tough several weeks.
And when I say several, I mean like six.
In Wisconsin, I was on a spiritual high. I had all these great things spoken over me both as a leader (Yeah, I was raised up as my team’s new team leader), and as a man of God. I discovered this intimate connection that I had with the Holy Spirit, and it was a phenomenal season of spiritual growth. I felt unstoppable. But with every high comes a steep decline. This one started with a quarantine.
As I mentioned in my last blog, our first international destination is Guatemala, which is where we are currently. However, the transition from domestic to international missions wasn’t so smooth. A member of my team tested positive for covid-19 on the day we were supposed to fly out of Wisconsin… yikes.
Let’s just say I was angry. Really angry.
I was mad at God and at myself for being mad at God. Let me tell you, that’s not a fun place to be, and it was the beginning of the valley I just recently found myself climbing out of.
I could go into all the details of the events that followed that first quarantine, but honestly who has that kind of time. Not me. So here’s a summary:
- I was mad at God, so I stopped listening to him
- Kicking God out (He never stopped pursuing me) made way for the enemy to sneak in
- I started having serious doubts about my faith and the race
- I wanted to go home, I missed the simplicity of my old life
- Two more members of my squad tested covid positive, soooo quarantine round 2… in Guatemala
- I failed, both as a man of God and as my team’s leader
So yeah, life sucked for awhile, but God never stopped pursuing me. This time around, God pursued me through my sister in Christ and squad leader, Kayla. Boy am I thankful. She took notice of my behavior change, and as good leaders do, she inquired about it. I brushed her off, but just like our Heavenly Father, she was PERSISTENT. I’m telling you, I ignored her questions and avoided any type of vulnerability for weeks, but she kept it up.
The enemy grew weary, and I broke. I poured out a more extensive version of what I just listed out for you. Kayla was able to be the voice of the Spirit that I was trying to ignore.
There’s no shame in having doubts.
Sometimes we have to wrestle with God. He gets it. It’s part of our spiritual journey.
She also pointed out that maybe I should be more intentional about giving Him the time and space to speak. So I did. I would love to say that this brought me out of the hole the enemy put me in. Well It didn’t. But the good news is that the God of the mountain is also the God of the valley. He never left me. The only difference is that now I’m giving Him my hand and letting him pull me up.
