I have an identity issue… that feels so weird to say because I’m a man, we aren’t supposed to have issues like that or admit it. So what’s my issue? You ask. I believe I am not enough. I am not enough to be God’s adopted son, I am not good enough to go on the world race, I am not friendly enough, I not good enough to succeed in life. I realized I had a problem of not knowing my true identity about a month ago. I have always seen the sin that was involved in these false belief of mine, but never the true cause of them. The true cause of this I DON’T FEEL WORTHY. I know I am but I feel and like I am not. It causes so many problems and sins to take hold in my life. Which then reinforces the main problem. So I realized this with my men’s group on the 15th. And a couple weeks before that day we talked about Ephesians 1:3-14:
3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 6 So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son.[a] 7 He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. 8 He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.
9 God has now revealed to us his mysterious will regarding Christ—which is to fulfill his own good plan. 10 And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. 11 Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God,[b] for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.
12 God’s purpose was that we Jews who were the first to trust in Christ would bring praise and glory to God. 13 And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own[c] by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. 14 The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.
This verse is full of what God thinks of us and really how we should think of ourselves. Now, this verse could lead to pride but it really shouldn’t. God sees you as his sons and daughters, and he doesn’t see your mess or your problems he just see a holy, blameless, adopted child. Now I knew this but I couldn’t or didn’t decide to believe it in my life as I try and try to get better so that God will accept me. Which is crazy. And I realized that when my leader in my men’s group asked me. “When will I be good enough?” I couldn’t answer the question because I didn’t know and for the last couple years I have been trying to become a man of God. Which I believe is something you should strive for and its Good to desire to grow, but the problem comes when you fail. Do you fail, get convicted and then get up and keep going after God. Or when you fail do condemn yourself and cause shame and furthermore failure in your life, which is what I was doing. Now you might ask why it took so long for me to realize this problem. I am not sure but the timing was from God. He didn’t tell me on some random day during my normally busy schedule so that I will go back to work or my normal life and feel the same feelings of shame and regret and failure. God told me on 3 days before training camp for the world race. God wanted me to think about this problem I have with myself and then fix it over a 10 day God filled experience that changed me. Now I would love to say that I have been completed changed and now believe fully that I am a man of God and I am worthy, but I cant. I am working on it. It will take some time and daily and hourly reminders that I am worthy of what God has called me to believe. I will now be focused on growing in God and intimacy with Him, not on being “perfect and not being able to handle it.
I want to share this needs cycle with you. It’s a good resource to look at and its made by CRU a very great Christian organization. I hope it can bring to light some of the needs that you have, that you are trying to fulfill in an illegitimate way (sin).
-Lucas Hultgren
