Conviction is something a lot of Christians hate. At times I don’t like it either. It’s like feedback from God. If we are all honest it’s hard to be corrected. Conviction is even more than that.
I went to bed the other night and I had a dream. Which I do not do often. If I do dream, I know it has happened but I never remember the details. This time I remembered it and it was a clear message.
So here is the spark noted version.
It starts with me knowing I have to preach to a bunch of people. It had to be preached at this certain small ledge about 3 to 4 stories high. I had no idea why but I just knew it had to be from that spot. As I was climbing down and thinking about it, I talked myself out of giving the speech from up there. Right before I had to do it, I realized it’s not that big of a deal. I might have to face both of my biggest fears at once. But I know that it’s what I’ve been told to do. So I talked myself into giving the speech and I decided to obey. But I didn’t. I walked up to the front of the room on ground level and talked for less than a minute and left.
I did nothing I was told to do.
When I woke up I thought about this dream. Why did I remember it so well? I started thinking about the last couple of months and the ministry I have been doing. I was thinking about all the people I have talked to and interacted with. And then all the people I didn’t interact with but felt as if I should have.
Let me tell you a story. This happened five days after I had this dream. Here in this particular country, we went out every other morning at 5:30 am to meet people in the park or on the beach. So on this particular morning, we went out to this park for the first time. We walked around and nothing was really happening. Then we started playing frisbee with hopes to draw people in which could lead us into buying them coffee and getting to know them better to eventually share the Gospel with them. We played for 30 minutes, with maybe a couple people joining for about two seconds before leaving. We decided to sit down on a bench and rest. Five minutes later, a girl asked us to throw her the frisbee. It sounded like she spoke really good English. So we started throwing the Frisbee with this girl and her dad. We passed the Frisbee and talked together for around 30 minutes. After they invited me and the guys to their coffee shop to drink coffee. We talked for another hour and met the whole family.
As we talked, we figured out the father has lung cancer. Pretty much right then, I felt like I needed to pray for him.
Well, here I am in kind of the same situation I was in my dream. I had the opportunity to maybe change a life or I could sit back, run away, and maybe pray quietly for the man. There were so many reasons in my mind to not pray for this man. First, I’m in a closed country and I’m really not allowed to. Secondly, I’m scared to. Thirdly, he doesn’t speak English and he wouldn’t understand.
So I sat there and I didn’t pray for this man.
Just like the dream. Just like another situation I have found myself in on the race. Just like I have done my whole life it seems like.
I feel like this wouldn’t have been a big deal for me, if it wasn’t my goal to never have regrets for not following through with obeying. That is a goal I set and wrote about at the beginning of this race. I set goals for myself. And as a human, I have failed them at times.
But all I can do though is thank God for His conviction.
God wants all of me. He doesn’t just want me to do His will when it feels safe or comfortable.
I have come to the realization that I have failed to obey. I am struggling to come to terms with this. But I think as Christians we need to realize our failings and/or sins and this could be a making or breaking point in our faith. It’s what we do after is the part that really matters. I think as Christians we can focus on our sins too much. We don’t look at the real heart issue and how to deal with it.
We hide the sin. We stuff it down so it will never come out. We don’t let anyone know what’s going on.
Christian’s should feel convicted about their sins not condemned.
It’s really a mindset. I could have had this dream and gone out not obeying, and said, “I don’t belong out here, or I don’t deserve to be here, or there are better people here to do this work.” I could believe all that and quit and condemn myself and believe that I’m not meant to be on this missions trip.
That’s not what I’m doing though. Yeah sure, it’s those ideas creep into my mind but then I remember; I’m not here to be perfect and I CAN NOT be condemned. This is God waking me up. This series of events is not to make me think I have failed but it is a lesson.
I want to be a man of conviction in a world that is not convicted of anything. I want to be convicted in the things I cant see myself or in the stuff I seem to not be able to get over.
So friends welcome conviction in your life, so we might be better and grow together. Don’t hide what you are going through. Let people help you through the struggles because we all struggle with life.
Conviction brings growth, so let’s grow together.
Lucas Hultgren
