So picking up from where I ended in my last blog ….. God did so much in me last month and is doing that much more this month. Last month, God began to teach me what it means to be obedient. We are all called to be obedient, but often, we allow hesitancy, fear, discomfort, or just plain laziness to get in the way. As I mentioned in the last blog, one of the reasons I came on the Race was to grow as a Christian. I know that’s a rather vague statement, but I wasn’t really sure what that meant or looked like, just that I wanted to grow. During the first few months in the field, I felt like I was stagnant in my growth, despite the fact that I was spending more time in the Bible. At times, I even felt like I was growing farther from God instead of closer. I had toyed with the idea of coming home early because as Christians, we should never be dormant or declining in our walk with God. It was mind-boggling to me that I could be living my life as a missionary yet not experiencing God at deeper levels.
It wasn’t until month 5 in Tanzania, last month, that I realized I was to blame for my stagnancy. God was right there beside me every day just waiting for me to give him the opportunity to develop me into the person he knows me to be. I said I wanted to grow, but my actions showed otherwise. I was talking the talk but not walking the walk. In order to grow, I must learn and try things that make me uncomfortable. Reading the Bible more was the safe and easy thing to do, and for that reason, I wasn’t being stretched. Before Tanzania, I had plenty of opportunities to explore my spiritual gifts, but I dodged them because of the fear of the unknown, the fear of looking like a fool. It wasn’t until last month that I realized that my resistance was not only keeping me growing but in that, I was also being disobedient.
God asked me to speak at church, more than once actually. Instead of ignoring Him and insisting that I am not a good public speaker, I went for it. It was nerve-wracking and uncomfortable, but I did it. And then I did it again, and again. Just a few days ago, I agreed to speak at church here in Rwanda. I went in knowing what I was going to speak about, but during a moment of prayer, God told me he wanted me to share something else with this congregation. So I went up there, trusting that the Holy Spirit would take over, giving me the words to speak, and in the end, it was one of the best speaking experiences I’ve had yet. It felt more natural, less nerves, and there were even some hallelujah’s and amen’s from the congregation. Apparently my message, well the message provided to me by God, was exactly what a few people needed to hear and were challenged by it. My point is that through my obedience, God was rewarded me with growth. I’m not sure I’ll ever consider myself a public speaker, but at the same time, I won’t refuse to let God use me as his vessel to deliver messages to others.
God didn’t stop there. His challenges to me only continued. Part of our ministry last month, and this month, consisted of door-to-door evangelism. Yes, you read that right. Door-to-door, similar to that of Jehovah’s witnesses in America. Talk about awkward! I’m super uncomfortable with evangelism because I don’t feel like I know the Bible well enough or that I just don’t have the right words. Out of obedience, I went out and attempted to participate. After a couple awkward days of evangelism, where I hesitated and doubted myself, I realized that this wasn’t that much different than speaking at church. I didn’t have to worry about what I was going to say to each person I met because God would give me the words.
Growth is a process, and with more practice and obedience, I will blossom into the woman God intends for me to be. The more I speak in front of church, the easier it gets, and I expect the same of evangelism. The key lesson I learned last month was that we cannot reach our full capacity as Christians if we are not obedient. If God says do, then I do, regardless if it’s going to be uncomfortable. Next up, I’m going to let God teach me a bit more about prophecy – a spiritual gift that I’ve greatly resisted ever since training camp.
With all that said, I know that my growth has just begun, and I am not ready to leave this environment. I only need $2000 to be fully funded and to be able to complete the Race. The deadline to have the money is March 1st, and I’m really not ready to go home next month. Please consider making a donation to help me stay in the field. I’m ready to take Asia by storm, but I cannot do it without the financial help of others. You can click on the “Support Me” on the left side of the page of my blog. Every little donation matters!
