When I signed up for the Race, I imagined month after month roughing it. I mean, who doesn’t? Missionary life isn’t meant to be luxurious. No one ever said following Jesus would be easy. Even Jesus made it clear to his followers that it wouldn’t be an easy road ahead. “I’ll go with you, wherever.” Jesus was curt [in his response, saying], “Are you ready to rough it? We’re not staying in the best inns, you know” Matthew 8:19-20 MSG. He continued to say, “You don’t need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment, and all you need to keep that going is three meals a day. Travel light” Matthew 10:9-10 MSG. The thing is, while I expected rough conditions, I don’t think I was ever fully ready to give up my comfort. I had said I was willing to make sacrifices, but I don’t think I was ready to suffer for Jesus.
Here’s the problem. We tend to use suffer and sacrifice interchangeably. Yes, they’re related, but I’ve learned this month that all along, I have been willing to sacrifice but without the suffering. I sacrificed my job, my belongings, time with my family and friends …. all to follow Jesus on this crazy journey. By giving all that up, was I suffering? Not really. Through all that, I was trusting that God would take care of me and provide for me. I thought this whole journey was about me placing all my trust in God, but come to find out, God has more for me …. as long as I suffer for him. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift at the trusting. (Philippians 1:29 MSG)
This month, God decided it was time to see what I was made of. He put me on a 3km x 3km island in Cambodia, with no electricity, no bed, limited “running” water, and lots of mosquitoes. It’s a twenty minute walk from the “ferry” (which is really two boats connected by wood planks) to our place of living. It’s hot. It’s dry. Let’s just be honest. It’s miserable. This is an island you wanted to be kicked off of. A fellow squad mate visited our “home” and remarked, “This is the place you pray God won’t send you to.” As a team, we quickly recognized that this was our month of suffering. To add insult to injury, nearly all of us came down with typhoid or dengue fever. More than once this month, I have fantasized about calling it quits and going home. Of course, I wouldn’t, but I just felt defeated, like I couldn’t handle another minute of this. All I wanted was to avoid the island and get on with the Race, getting me that much closer to home.
I have one day left on this island, and I’ve been laying around for days contemplating what lesson God has been trying to teach me. We’ve had like zero ministry out here, so I’ve spent hours, literally, asking God why. Why did you send us out here? Why don’t we have ministry? Why must we suffer this much? He finally told me. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it ….. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self (Matthew 16:24-26 MSG). Right now, I must admit that I don’t like my true self. My true self has hated nearly every minute of this month. I have felt obligated to things that I don’t even deserve. I’ve complained and whined about what isn’t happening on the island. I’ve been too focused on myself to see what God was trying to do. He has been teaching me about obedience all through out this Race, and even now, that’s all he’s been trying to do …. to further teach me about being obedient. Suffering produces training on obedience. Even though Jesus was God’s son, He learned obedience from the things He suffered (Hebrews 5:8). Although Jesus never sinned, He was not immune to suffering. Through His obedience to God, He had to endure unimaginable hardship and pain on our behalf. The least I could do is suffer, considering all the suffering Jesus did for me. Jesus isn't asking me to be a masochist. He just wants to mold me and form me into the being he created me to be … to be the person he knows me as. Through suffering, I am transformed!
The good news is that “… after you have suffered a little while, [He] will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast” ( 2 Peter 5:10 NLT).
God uses suffering to produce…TRIUMPH
Training in obedience
Refinement of your character
Intimacy with your compassionate God and Savior
Understanding of the hurts of others
Maturity for ministering to others
Perseverance in difficult times
Hope for the future
