Hello friends and family … strangers! I am so excited to have you all follow on me on this World Race journey. I got to TN this past Saturday for an intense 9 days of training. I am sooo new to blogging and not much of a journaler, so please bare with me as this is all new to me.
Training camp has been so much more than I expected or was ready for, and it’s only day 4. The approach to worship and self-growth has been very challenging to me. Imagine being a “non-charismatic” person in a room of nearly 200 charismatic worshippers. I felt like a foreigner in a room of natives; an appropriate feeling considering the adventure I’m embarking on. As I took in my surroundings time after time, I began to wonder why I’m so reserved. I found myself with the desire to display my enthusiasm in a similar manner. I had convinced myself that I needed to be “messed up” by His love – He set me free, so now I needed to set myself free. Something you should know is that in my greatest, most intense moments of praise, I feel led to bow down to God, either bow my head or if possible, be down on knees – the exact opposite of dancing around, jubilantly flailing my arms.
Yesterday, as I was asking God to fill me with the Holy Spirit, I felt this sense of peace and calmness fall over me. Again, I realized that my reaction to welcoming the Holy Spirit differed from those surrounding me. But this time, I didn’t feel like my being different was wrong. Outwardly, I may not be as charismatic as others, but inwardly, I overflow with joy. In that moment, I realized that I did not need to change how I worshipped God. I had desired the charisma I was seeing because I thought I was lacking … that I was praising “less”. I don’t have to jump and dance around to praise God. With what I’ve seen and read, I don’t imagine Mother Theresa being “charismatic” in the sense that we know it today. I’m no Mother Theresa, but I doubt she “jumped” for joy in her moments of praising God. He knows my heart and that’s all that matters.
