Mom: How’s it going?
Me: Going great. Never coming home! 🙂
Sister: Can’t wait to see you! Miss you!
Me: Love and miss you too!
Friend: Still alive?
Me: Yep! Never felt more alive.
Future WR: Tell me about the race.
Me: It’s the hardest, yet one of the best years of my life!
Future WR: What makes it hard?
…this is the side of the story my Facebook and Instagram pictures can’t tell you. The side in which they seem to almost invalidate completely in the onlookers mind. When this question arises, and it does often, my response is always:
“It just is.”
Truth be told – I can put the hard stuff into words. Shoot, that’s what this blog is. But before you begin reading, please know that the reason my response is never what you’re about to read, is because the following hardships don’t begin to compare to the glorious moments. I could not put a price tag on my race. I would do all the “hard” all over again and then some if it meant I got this experience for a second time. It’s changed my life. It’s flipped my mindset and attitude upside down. It’s rocked my foundation. My race is jam packed with a live streaming highlight reel. What’s not playing? What don’t you see? The behind the scenes. Better known as the sacrifice and the uncomfortable.
Starting day 1:
-leaving behind family and friends for 11 months of your life knowing their lives will change and you won’t be there to be a part of it
-trading in the comforts of home {hot shower, bathtub, favorite foods, own room/bed, tv, gym, unlimited wifi, etc} for the exact opposite {cold bucket showers, survival foods, shared room with at least 2 other people, hard rive movies on replay, café wifi – if you’re lucky).
-leaving a job with steady income and security to fundraise for 11 months worth of traveling and experiences
-having to pack your life, essentially, into a 65L pack and a day pack
-choosing what to pack and how to make it all fit while still making the weight limit
-meeting 23+ new people who you will travel and live with 24/7 (and for an introvert like me, this was beyond hard)
-waking up wet in a wet tent with wet everything and being late because your iPod with your alarm died during the cold night
-sharing life struggles and situations with people you don’t know if you trust
-having men look at you lustfully as you prayer walk a bar street
-watching young girls doll themselves up to tend a bar and please men because that’s all the “hope” they know
-seeing hundreds of people use temples of such majestic beauty for worship to golden statues
-walking to ministry so much you develop blisters on your feet
-speaking a completely different language than everyone surrounding you (having to use hand motions and charades to get your point across-imagine needing a toilet)
-going to a 3-4 hour church service and not understanding a single word
-realizing you have no idea how to be “fed” spiritually outside of your typical church setting
-leaving a ministry knowing the people you’ve invested in you will never see again
-fighting demonic spirits night after night with worship and prayer resulting in no sleep but determination to get up and start another day battling for the Kingdom
-going to the market in Asia (may be okay and even enjoyable for some, but the amount of flies on the hanging pig heads and slices of meat along with the stream of blood running between your legs as you walk was nauseating and dreadful for me)
-eating things you would never imagine you’d eat and other things you don’t know what it is, just that you have to eat it
-the humidity and heat is…well let’s just say sweat is as constant as breathing
-dirt…some countries, you simply embrace it – you can’t escape it
-hand-washing clothes for an hour at the end of your packed day, because you’re out of underwear
-ants like crazy: on the wall, in the bathroom, on your bed, in the trash, across the floor
-sharing the gospel and love of God in a country where your social media is tracked, your blogs are blocked, and words like “ministry” have to be replaced with “doing the dishes”
-team dynamics not mixing, because it’s all new and no one knows how to process it yet
-figuring out who you really are… and who you really aren’t
-experiencing bus rides that take hours (like 16) sometimes days to arrive at a destination: some of them including ridiculous drivers who didn’t speak your language, loud party/disco music at midnight – 3am, no a/c, no bathrooms, etc
-learning to use the restroom on the side of the road for everyone to see because there simply is just no other option and you have 10hours left to travel
-being introduced to the squatty potties and your body adjusting to using them
-praying for healings, and God choosing not to heal in the way you expected or wanting leaving you with questions and discouragement
-embracing broken families
-trying to understand people hurt and mistreated by the church
-realizing there’s a demon in your room – then hearing the 6 year old boy whose room your staying in has been terrified of it for years
-spending hours on hot, unairconditioned, smushed trains
-peeing on a moving train using a squatty potty which means it reeks of pee and even the walls are covered in urine amongst other things
-battling spiritual atmospheres (frustration, lack of rest) that exhaust your spirit and drive for ministry
-having to know how to handle young boys (5-8years old) who flash their privates at you while asking for sexual pleasures
-playing a part in a ministry which feels like busywork – not like ministry at all (it’s quite humbling)
-choosing between sweat-free sleep and mosquito bites
-hearing grown men cry when they tell their past drug life testimony knowing they are the few who have escaped the normal lifestyle of the area
-speaking with men on drugs who don’t see how God could ever love them
-learning how to love like Christ – unconditionally and never-failing while not expecting love in return
-swollen ankles every time you travel
-sleeping on the floors in airports, bus stations, train stations (you’re lucky if you found a couple seats to throw together)
-eating the same meals over and over, because it’s all you can afford
-searching all over town to find wifi to talk to family and friends and sometimes only finally finding it and realizing it’s too slow to FaceTime
-experiencing team changes over and over and over… just when you thought you were getting comfortable with those around you… just when you grew to love and become true friends
-wanting to dress up to feel like a woman (heels, new clothes, makeup, hairdryer, etc) but knowing all you have is a dress with some stains to compliment Chacos or tennis shoes
-looking around and taking in the tragedy of life for children in the community (rape, sexual abuse, child slavery, etc)
-having no true “alone-time” because you have to travel into the city together due to safety reasons
-sleeping through snoring/moaning/sleep-talking/sleep-screaming/sleep-walking roommates
…and some as of lately here in month 10 have been:
-processing that possibly the most influential season of your life is coming to an end
-processing that you’re leaving your new family (your squad) to return home
-processing through how to readjust back into your old world without becoming your old self
As you can see, living a lifestyle of ministry isn’t easy. It has many of the highlight reel moments everyone sees on social media, but the challenges are what change your soul. If you’re reading this as a future world racer, don’t be discouraged, rather encouraged! The valleys are full of life and growth. The mountain tops just provide the beautiful views of God’s handiwork. If you’re reading this as a family member or friend, know that I appreciate the love and support through such God-empowering yet heart wrenching times. If you’re reading this as an alumni of the world race, well I know you can relate.
No matter where you are in life, what you’re doing, or where you’re going – ministry should be your lifestyle. It presents its hard times, yes. But what life doesn’t? “Shoot for the stars?” No. Gamble everything for God. Then and only then do the hard times provide encouragement in knowing they are for His glory, His praise, and His Kingdom.
