It's here!
The time has come to leave the country in a few days. Our squad is meeting together first and then we are departing for Guatemala. There have been a lot of things to take care of before leaving as well as packing and unpacking and packing again. (I may have the heaviest pack of the group =-O.)
But when I had stopped for a moment to reflect and take in the fact that I'm really leaving… I got cold feet. I had thoughts of "why and I doing this again? Am I really called to this? Am I even cut out for this? Did I really need to leave my job, friends, family, and all that is comfortable for this?" It struck me that while I was taking care of what needed to get done, I had neglected to prepare my heart, mind, and spirit for this.
Fear…
The familiar feeling of fear hit. It reminded me of last year when I had a difficult time facing it. I was living alone at the time and one day while I was out, my place was robbed. I did not mind so much that my stuff was taken but I felt the lost of security more than anything and I was scared. My fear had driven me to do things that I would not have done normally.
As I processed through it (which look a ridiculously long time), I wanted to get rid of my fears. However, I learned that it is not the absence of fear that I needed, but to transform it to the fear of God.
What's that?
I'm no theologian, but for me it is knowing (and I mean truly knowing) the sovereignty of God. Knowing that He has it all in His control and having a reverence, trusting in Him through it all. Imagine if instead of being controlled by our fears, we were controlled by the fear of God, how would we act and live differently?
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.." – Psalm 111:10a
In other preparations, when I stayed at a friend's house I found this in her bathroom….
YES! A real squatty potty! (Refer back to a previous blog post.) I practiced…
– Lolita
P.S. I'm still alive.. thanks for caring 🙂
