How easy is it to forget how big our God is? The right answer to this is very easy. Sometimes when i go through a trial, i am so quick to proclaim, “God where are you!!” and i get upset that God has put this so called obstacle in my way. However, rather than looking at the size of my problem or the obstacle in my way, i need to keep in mind the size of my God.
Something that many of you do not know is that i have been planning on doing a World Race: Gap Year for the last year, and my hope in the program has always been very high. I had felt this continuous push in the direction of the World Race, but i wanted to be for sure it was for me. When i went to Guatemala this summer, it was almost that though i was very intentional with my time there i was also sort of using it as a testing period as to see if the World Race was for me or not. When i came back, i knew. i knew that the Race is where i was suppose to be. I was suppose to pursue this journey. However, now this journey looked much more real than it was before. Honestly i was scared, i looked at the cost, and thought, “i can not do this.” i saw the fear in people’s eyes when i told them the countries i felt the Lord was leading me to, and it made me tremble with fear. Finally, i starting running. When i ran, i ran harder than ever. i began to push God, The World Race, and even my friends to the corners of my life, and i began to pursue what i wanted. I became selfish with what i wanted to do, and i did not care what anyone else told me i should do. I was living a life for only me, not for God at all. Yet, i would still go to Church and think “God where are you?” He would always make himself known that day. i believe He was saying to me, ‘Silly child, i have not left your side.’ However, i continued living my selfish life. I took in the world, lived with my flesh, and yet, i was unsatisfied. The world could not fill me up in the way that only Jesus could. i was hurting by this point, i was coming to the end of the road where i could barely go on anymore, and that is when i finally found myself at the foot of the cross. Literally. i drove to the 50 foot cross, on my church’s spare property, and i found myself literally crying out to Jesus. I was begging my forgiveness. I pleaded for Him to take this pain away. I was the equivalent of a small child crying to their parent. i curled up in a ball at the foot of the cross, feeling more broken and further from God than i had ever felt before. However, i knew at that point there was restoration. I did not understand why God had me go through that pain, however, i know that God perfect, and so are His plans; therefore, That pain was perfect pain. God let me go through what i did so that i could draw near to Him, and be closer to Him than ever before. I am thankful for the trials, as well as the love that he has provided, because He has provided perfect peace for me. Jesus, thank you for riding through this life with me.
