5 days shy of one year back in the United States, time really does fly by!
WHATTTTTTTTTT
Last night I was thinking a lot about the past year being back in my home country-all the different season I’ve walked through- the victories, the struggles, and all that I’ve learned in between. It’s been one hell of a year, America!
I thought I’d share some perspectives I’ve gained, lies that I believed, and ways I’ve seen God move this last year in the States.
- I remember sitting at final debrief in Nicaragua last year thinking “this is going to be one of the best years of my life, and I’m never going to experience this kind of intimacy with the Lord coming home, so I’m going to soak it in while I’ve got it.” Thankfully, I was completely wrong in my thought pattern, and this hasn’t at all been true in my life. Sometimes we get so caught up in the “what”, or the adventure of it all. We get lost in emotions and excitement and forget that our feelings are fleeting-while God’s presence and His promises are not. We forget about the “who”, i.e. God, and we forget that no matter what kind of season we’re in, where we are physically, or what kind of community we have, God is still who He says He is- He doesn’t change-and we have complete and total access to Him. If our hearts’ longing is to know God and authentically remain in His presence, we’re able to do that. It doesn’t take a grand adventure or trip around the world to find intimacy with God-He’s calling His children to spend time with Him daily-before work, after work, car rides to the grocery store, and in the stillness. I’ve had some of the most intimate and fulfilling times with the Lord since being home because I live by the truth that God is always near to me, dwelling inside of me, inviting me to rest in His presence. I do not live by the lie that I need to experience a horrific tragedy or go on a mission trip to know God. I’ve continued to build on a relationship that God initiated in my heart long ago, way before the world race, He just used the world race to reveal to me how deep and how wide His love really is. I feel as close to the Lord now, as I sit on my porch watching the rain after working the last 10 hours, as I did worshiping alone in the mountains of freezing Nepal. If you chose to be obedient to the ways the Lord is leading and loving you, and pursue His heart, intimacy with God is yours to have.
- Towards the end of my race I started planning for home. What will I do for work? Will I go back on the field? What’s next for me? I sat in a coffee shop called Café Paris (lol that it was in Nicaragua) in month 11 literally planning-looking at jobs, but also looking at routes because I thought squad leading was on my heart at the time. I prayed for months before that, and even shared with my parents that I was seriously thinking about going back onto the field for another 6 months. I was pumped at the thought of another 6 countries and the possibility of leading others into freedom and healing in Jesus. But I also knew my hearts’ desire was for consistency, rest, and strangely, Melbourne, Florida. I stopped pursuing squad leading, and instead moved in the direction of a 9-5 job, and by the grace of God I got a full-time job working in an outpatient orthopedic clinic so I could begin pursuing a career as a PA. It’s a hell of a lot less glamorous than traveling the world, but God gracefully dimmed the passion in my heart to squad lead, and gave me definitive clarity that my next step was to start exploring my gifts and passions at home. My point here is this: I think so often we believe that seeking God’s will is always a confusing season-filled with sadness, struggle, and loss. Growing up I was taught that God’s will is basically always something that’s hard, something I won’t want to do, and something that is the opposite of everything I’m truly passionate about. Growing up I was taught that following through with God’s will on my life meant that I’d basically end up miserable and unhappy. That’s just not true, guys. Yes, sometimes decisions are hard and clarity doesn’t come right away, but God is not a God of confusion, and He is not a Father who asks us to do things He has not equipped us for. He loves us and gives us gifts, ideas, and passions to explore and build pieces of His Heavenly Kingdom here on Earth. If you want to know what God’s will for your life is, look at your strengths and your passions! When you’re walking fully in your identity, firmly rooted, and seeking the face of the Lord, what does your heart yearn for? My hearts’ desire is to care for people, love them with a genuine attitude, and invite them into vulnerability. My hearts’ desire is to build relationships, challenge and be challenged. My hearts’ desire is for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing for those around me. God has gifted me with a strong background in biological sciences, empathy and an inquisitive nature, and I know this wasn’t by chance. I love medicine and I love getting lost in mystery. When I sit an ponder my gifts and my passions, I knew a career in medicine was most fitting for me. It’s not a career I’m working towards begrudgingly; I’m excited, passionate, and happy to be serving and loving people in the capacity that I’ve chosen. I’ve said it before, but one of the biggest take-aways I got from the world race is this: you don’t have to be a missionary in Africa to love and serve people. Maybe you’re really passionate about coffee? Open a coffee shop and create a still space where people can relax, hangout, and feel at ease.
- Coming home I believed the lie that most Americans were very superficial (sorry I know that sounds harsh, especially coming from someone super silly). While Everyone in the world has superficial tendencies, I’ve come to understand that most people really crave authenticity. None of us are superficial by nature, we just chose to hide behind a false exterior to avoid truly being seen for who we are. I believe most people want to be invited into vulnerability, they’re just afraid-they’re afraid of being themselves and being rejected. Most people want to share, but they’re afraid of not being received. I believe most of us are afraid to bare it all, because we don’t want to give anyone weapons to use against us. I was blessed to live in and experience an extremely authentic and open community on the world race. People were seen and people were heard. We refused to settle for cheap relationships and lack of intimacy amongst one another. Coming home, I knew I’d have to be intentional with people if I wanted authentic relationships, and that meant asking hard questions and stepping out in vulnerability myself even when it was uncomfortable. It meant really pursuing those around me, and, not only trying to chip away at the false exteriors of those around me, but resisting the urge, at times, to not allow myself to be fully seen. I’ve tasted the kind of community God designed us to live in and thrive in, and I won’t step into superficiality, isolation, and lack of vulnerability. God calls us worthy enough to be completely loved and completely known just as we are.
- A lot of people asked me about culture shock when I got home. And, yes, I did experience some culture shock, but not so much in the ways I expected. Yes, grocery stores were overwhelming. Living in India, I had 3$ a day for food, so that was literally 1$ per meal, and our grocery store had one kind of white bread. Walmart has an entire aisle devoted to bread. That blew my mind, and freaked me out. I remember my first week home I went to the gym to get a membership, and I was so confused as to why everyone around me was speaking English. I had spent the last 3 months speaking Spanish predominantly, and the 8 before that surrounded by languages I didn’t understand at all. That was bizarre, and to extent, I felt “culture-shocked” so to speak. But I experienced culture shock a little differently. For 11 months I shared a room with anywhere from 3 to 25 people. I never spent a night alone, and I was rarely alone in general, so coming home to my own room, with my own bed, was shocking. So many nights I’ve miss having roommates this year! I also experienced a lot of culture shock just in the way people interacted overseas and how people interact here in the States. Overseas, people are very blunt, unoffendable, and unapologetic with what they say and believe, so I really got used to that. I’ve observed that overall American culture is much more offendable, but also much more avoidant when it comes to conflict. So for me, It’s been a challenge all year to blend the culture I fell in love with on the world race (intentional community, feedback, and accountability) with American culture.
