I'm a writer; a huge fan of words.
I love to write poetry, worship, and stories.
But I have writing about myself.
So, I forewarn you on how sloppy this may be.
Sidenote: I've always had this feeling.That I was destined, for something greater than every other person I came in contact with. Not to be cocky or arrogant. But that my life had so much potential, and was worthy of something greater than myself.
I figured It'd be best to start from the beginning. That's how most stories start anyways.. I never grew up in a Christian home, I never went to church. My parents divorced when I was quite young, and I lived with my father until I was about 10. I moved in with my mother, in the city. It was a completely different lifestyle. We lived so fast, so urgently. We just went with the motions of life. I've always believed there was a God, but I wasn't quite sure what else I believed. I was never given the chance to learn, or experience anything.
I graduated High School in 2010, and soon after, moved back to my home town with my mother. I started working with my sister and became closer to her, more than ever before. I started to make new friends, and I started to learn my way around town. The first thing I noticed, was that there were a lot of churches in this town. But, I never knew the differences, or the purposes of them. I just ignored them. I started to notice, that a lot of my friends, co-workers, and neighbors were Christians. I was invited to go to church with a friend, after having several conversations with her about this feeling in my heart.
So I went.
Maybe this was what I was feeling, all along.
Maybe this is where I would get the answers I was seeking.
..it was.
I felt so at home. I felt so comfortable. I wanted to know more and more. So, I continued to go. Week after week, I went to church. I worshipped. I paid attention during the sermon. Church started to become a ritual. A routine. I got so wrapped up in being a Christian, and not a follower of Christ. I got wrapped up in my relationships with people, and not my relationship with Him. I never noticed it, and never thought it was a problem. I thought it was normal, to just show up to church, for church.
Then God hit me. Bad. He destroyed me. I lost everything I knew and loved. He tore me apart. Shattered my dreams, and my hopes. I lost all hope, all faith. I gave up. But, He didn't. He made me realize just that. That He needed to be the priority in my life. That I needed to depend on Him. That fire that once burned inside of me, started to spark, again. God picked me up. He showed me a light, a future. He surrounded me with amazing, encouraging people, who stood by my side during the darkest nights. I started to slowly grow in the church. The group of friends I started to hang out with, went to a "lifegroup" together. So I went, and gave it a try. It was amazing. Once again, it was comfortable, encouraging, and I loved every second of it. We were able to gather together, as young adults facing everyday challenges – personal struggles, and talk about anything/everything. God really, collided all of our lives together, at the perfect time, when we all needed eachother the most. It didn't become a routine. It became so much more. We became a family.
That's exactly what I needed. Motivation. I started helping out at church, setting up and tearing down when needbe. I felt called to worship. I craved the opportunity to worship. I started attending all four services, just to worship. Then, I joined the worship team. And, boy has it been life-changing. I love it. I thought I would be a nervous wreck leading worship infront of such a huge group of people. But, the more and more I would pray that God would eliminate the stress, the doubts, and nerves, so that I could completely focus on why I was there, the more and more he continued to show up, and move in a powerful way. The way we live our lives, everyday, is a continous act of worship. Our entire purpose of life is to live out God's will as a servant, in a worshipful manner.
I joined the Missions Coordination Team, to help with the missionaries our church sponsers with support. One meeting, we started to talk about the World Race. One of our leaders mentioned that she has a friend, that went on and 11 month trip, to 11 different countries, and how life-changing it was. I didn't think anything spectacular about it. A week later, I actually forgot about the World Race. Until one night I was praying about my purpose. Questioning God's plans for me. Asking for guidance and clarity, on a vision. And…. He spoke. Trust me, He spoke. The World Race became so interesting. I found myself reading blog after blog. Constantly looking back at the route lists. A few months before, I was going to go on a trip to Spain, for a week, but chickened out. I was terrified. I've never been on a plane, let alone out of the country. But, ironically enough, I found myself excited. And, before I knew it I was filling out an application.
Now, I was never expecting anything. I just wanted to live in obedience. Then I got my interview. I was a nervous wreck. I've done plenty of outreach locally, but nothing internationally. I haven't been a believer for that long. There are thousands of other people out there that are more qualified and prepared to do this, not me.
Then….. I got my acceptance call. Oh boy. I've never been so excited and nervous. What did I get myself into? I can't do this! I prayed and I prayed. Then, decided I'd commit to going. His word says that He will always provide whatever we need. "God, if I'm meant to do this, you'll make it known."
I shouldn't have said that.
I became obsessed. My heart literally becamse engulfed with the idea of "saving the world". The World Race is all I ever talk about. It's all I ever think about. I've read more blogs, then facebook statuses. Okay, maybe not.
God has literally transformed me from the person I was even six months ago. But, I still don't think I deserve this opportunity. I don't think I'm qualified. I don't think I'm prepared. I don't think I know what I'm getting myself into. But what I do know is that this is my purpose. The reason I exist. The reason I was given life, is to be that vessel. To reach out to the lost, and needy of this forsaken world, and share with them, the love of Jesus. The source of life.
That's all that I need. To know that the Creator of the entire universe, is by my side to support me and guide me in this journey. That He wants to move through me in a powerful way, 11 countries at a time.
So bring it on!
