Each month I feel like God has been exposing more pride in my life and bringing it to the light so it can be removed.
Thailand was no different… I made the mistake of praying for abandonment a few months ago and now more and more abandonment keeps coming!
At the end of Mongolia, The Lord put on my heart 2 Corinthians 3:5-6
“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant…”
It seemed to be what The Lord wanted to show me in this next season. Welp, that proved to be true and it wasn’t exactly in the way I would have preferred!
Throughout the whole month anytime someone would share something with me I felt like I had nothing to give them back. I usually prided myself on if someone shared something with me I felt like I could give them an encouraging word back or a truth from scripture, it was something I felt like I was gifted in. But this month I had nothing. I would get so frustrated! I’m a Squad Leader! I feel like I should be of some help to people, but my head would seem to be blocked and I didn’t have anything to say. As the month would go on people would ask me how I was feeling, and I would say frustrated and begin to explain the very thing I just explained to you.
The whole month past and this seemed to be the trend. Finally, the end of the month came and the whole squad was at debrief having worship on the beach. That night everything seemed to click and I almost became super frustrated with myself in a whole other way.
During worship I was just thanking God for all that He had done in my life and in those around me. I began thanking Him for this season, but really desired to be past this season. As soon as that thought crossed my mind I was hit with truth… I should never desire to leave this season! This whole month I had been meandering around with the attitude of just biding my time and waiting for these gifts to be returned to me. Once they were returned then I could start back feeling confident in ministry. But how false and ridiculous is that! This is actually the place I should always want to be! Completely dependent on Him, for it is God who makes me sufficient to minister. Not myself! I began to realize that this whole month I had pigeon holed myself into the little to nothing I had to offer instead of realizing the abundance you begin to receive when you have nothing. The less I have the more space there is for God to pour in. I was so focus on my lack of that I couldn’t see the abundance that was waiting there for me.
I was reminded of the story of Elisha and the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7. Basically Elisha asks her what she has and she says only this jar of oil. He tells her to go borrow some vessels and fill the vessels up with oil. But don’t borrow too few vessels! She ends up filling all the vessels and still has more oil. Elisha allowed her to choose how many vessels to bring to fill up. In the same way God instructs us. God gives to all without measure. If that is true, the only person who measures is…us. We decide how much we receive.
Last month I was so focused on all I had (the little jar of oil like the widow). That I completely forgot that He supplies abundance. So for encouragement to y’all and myself, when we feel like we don’t have anything to offer for a day, a month, heck for maybe a year let’s not want to leave that place. But instead remember God is the one who makes us competent to minister, and rejoice that we are at our end so His incredible work can begin. Give him your jar of oil, and watch as He multiples it.
Stay tuned for a blog soon about healing ministry we have been doing in Cambodia!
