According to Webster, abandonment is ‘to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in’.
Abandonment. This is something the Lord has been teaching me about more and more the last couple weeks. For me leaving home to come on the World Race didn’t feel like I was abandoning anything. Yes, I miss family and friends but I never really had a sense of abandoning. However, I desire to abandon and I want to abandon because I think through abandonment you begin to understand more about reliance on our Father and that He is truly worth everything.
So, rewind to a couple weeks ago when I was with Team Evermore. We had a worship session one evening and while worshipping I received a vision. The vision was a simple vision of me reaching down and picking up this beautiful pearl. As soon as the vision ended God brought to mind the parable of the pearl of great value. Which reads:
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” -Matthew 13:45-46
I honestly have never given this parable much thought. But in this moment, God began to speak truths to me concerning abandonment. This merchant went and sold ALL THAT HE HAD and bought the pearl. Now I doubt if this merchant liquidated all his assets that it would have equaled the exact amount of the pearl. In all reality he probably would have had more than the cost of the pearl, BUT he didn’t care. To him this pearl was so valuable that it was worth selling everything to ensure the fact that the pearl would be his. He didn’t merely get the price of the pearl, sell the needed amount, and then come back and purchase the pearl (which I think makes the most sense). So why didn’t he just sell the minimum? Well, in that moment after the vision God spoke to me and said, “Because it’s not Me in addition to.” It’s not the pearl in addition to the merchant’s other stuff, and in the same way it’s not God in addition to the other stuff in our lives. He is worth everything!! So often I think I try to make it ‘God in addition to my life’. Yeah I can sell (abandon) some stuff, but am I willing to sell it all? To abandon all that I may simply have “the kingdom of heaven“. This is when I began to realize what all I was holding on to, and how the things I was holding onto were becoming distractions.
In the parable of the merchant, what would have happened if the merchant would have added the pearl to his stuff back at home? He would have days where he was distracted. Sure, he may be enthralled for a while but at some point his attention would drift from the pearl to his other stuff. Much like when I try to add God to my life I can become distracted by other things around me. Yeah I can do alright for a while, but what about the days I wish I was more successful in the world’s eyes, or when I’m comparing myself to people, or when I want certain things in my life at a certain time? Do I take these things into my own hands because they are still in my possession since I have yet to abandon them (remember the def. ‘giving it up without claiming a right to it again)? Or have I abandoned these things because I know what ‘the kingdom of heaven‘ entails?
I’m making a stand to abandon all. I don’t know exactly what it looks like at this point, but I know it is something we are called to. To look deeper into myself and see what insecurities, uncertainties, or comfort safe zones I have that I need to give up. Yeah it’ll be difficult and scary, but we get the kingdom of heaven!! The beautiful thing about Heaven is God’s manifest presence! Our Father’s loving, calming, soothing, and powerful presence! We don’t have to wait till we die to begin to receive our inheritance into the kingdom. Our ability to receive and walk in our inheritance started the moment we became sons and daughters of God. I don’t want to miss out!
