Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.
-C. S. Lewis
An Unhealthy Desire
There have been various points in my life where I have realized just how much The Marriage Assumption has both actively and passively influenced my decisions. I don’t like to admit this to people because it makes me feel like I am waving a giant banner emblazoned with “DESPERATE” over my head. As if when my designs on marriage and children are noticed by other people they may be pitied and looked down upon.
Why is this? I know the answer. It’s because inside of myself I know how foolish it can be to make a major life decision like a college degree, job acceptance, or move, based on your own relentless pursuit of a desire you feel not only defines but will really begin your life. I have done all of these. And even coming on the World Race, a call I know 100% that God placed on my life, there was a nagging little thought in the back of my mind that kept saying. “Maybe His real purpose for the Race is so you can meet your husband!” How do I continue to go to this place in my mind?
At some point along the line I allowed The Marriage Assumption to transform from a dream to a desire, from a desire to an obsession, and from an obsession to an idol. Wanting to be married and have children is not a sinful thing in itself. Putting it as a goal that outweighs the plans and purposes of the God of the Universe is, however, a sin. Because placing anything above God, even something “good” like Christian ministry for instance, turns your life down a path that God never intended.
Over and over in the Word, God tells us that He must be first in our life and to put no other gods before Him. Our Heavenly Father is jealous for our affection, obedience, devotion…for our very life. He will not be satisfied with anything of this world standing in our way of Him. So even when God gives us a natural and holy desire, to unite yourself with a man and have children, when we place it above Him, He requires that we lay it down at the foot of the Cross.
This goes for all of our dreams and desires. We need to come to the place where we trust God so fully, that we are willing to give up everything for Him and His glory. To know that as we lay down even our grandest desires, and allow Him to fill our heart with His, He can still give us those original desires in the blink of an eye. We cannot put God in a box of our own making.
Just because you lay down your desires doesn’t mean He won’t pick them back up. And just because you strive your hardest to achieve your own desires doesn’t mean He still won’t take them from you.
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You may feel that Jesus is no match for the dreams and desires you brought to marriage, [or dreams for marriage] that to live without those dreams and desires would be unbearable. To think that Jesus himself is the grandest prize of all, the purpose of marriage and every other human endeavor may seem silly to you. You’re too easily satisfied. Whatever pleasure you may have set your sights on pales in comparison with what God offers us in His Son. Jesus isn’t a consolation prize for the unhappily married. He’s the grand prize for the married and unmarried alike.
-Winston Smith
The Single Woman’s Consolation Prize
So we arrive at the point of fully realizing just how skewed our focus and goals are. We lay them down to Him, and our immediate fleshly instinct is to pick up something else in their place. We cannot handle living without having something specific to achieve. As if going for a day without a long term goal, our life will be thrown off track forever.
Unfortunately many women make misguided decisions when they attempt to turn their passion for marriage onto something else. Their new thought is that they must become career oriented or serve in a ministry field. This will be the new definition of their success, and it must be better right? Because if your focus is on something more publicly beneficial than your own love life, it must automatically be more respectful and honoring of the Lord. Now you have something that your married friends can look at and say, “Wow! She is so successful and living a full life. How great for her.”
And there we go once again pushing the satisfaction of our hearts and the fulfillment of ourselves on something other than God. As Jesus Himself is not a consolation prize for the Singles, neither is a successful career or life of ministry. We have got to stop acting like living life as a single woman means that you get God’s second best. Especially when we wrongly consider having more time to devote to Jesus as a consolation prize to having a husband and children.
The full sacrifice and immeasurable love of our Savior is and should be second to none, no matter your marital status.
Be on the look out for Part 3 in the series which includes: Transforming My Heart and Mind and Daily Picking Up My Cross.
