It’s funny, in an ironic way, what kind of expectations you carry without even realizing it. These are the kinds of expectations you don’t know you have until they are broken or unmet. On the World Race there is a lot (and boy, do I mean a lot) of talk about releasing expectations. I thought I had done a pretty good job of this…until a couple of weeks ago in Chiangmai, Thailand.
As un-fun as it is to say, theft and loss of personal and important possessions is a common occurrence on the Race. Just on T Squad we have had credit cards left in ATMs, purses stolen, iPhones stolen, and even a hammock taken away. But for some reason I was holding onto the expectation that I was above all of this. As I look back on it now, it appears like a delusional determination that kept me “safe” from that kind of harm. I will be totally honest, I didn’t think I was above it because of a peace founded in God; I thought I was above it because it just couldn’t happen to me. Like a mantra repeating in my head: I will NOT lose my belongings. I will NOT be stolen from.
How ignorant of me.
When others on my squad lost their credit cards and drivers’ licenses I would sympathize with them, but inwardly breathe a sigh of relief. It wasn’t me. I didn’t have to go through that hassle. Then towards the end of February I traveled with 6 other girls from Phuket to Chiangmai in Thailand. We arrived around 7pm at our location for the night, and I (being the treasurer) paid the driver for the cab ride, replacing my wallet into my purse….or so I thought. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized I couldn’t find the wallet. Throughout the day my emotions ranged from frustration to disbelief to stubborn refusal to slim hope that it would be found. And then the following morning found me sitting on a hotel bed in tears.
I had to accept that it was gone. My driver’s license, personal credit card, team credit card, a large amount of team cash, and the one copy of a picture of my dad and I from his thirtieth birthday. All lost. I surmised later that in my haste to pay the driver and move my bags off the street and into the building, I must have unknowingly dropped my wallet while trying to put it back in my purse. To put it bluntly, it sucked. I had to call the banks to cancel the cards and contact the financial people at AIM to let them know how much money I lost.
But in the moment where my expectation of “no loss” was broken, I felt God’s presence. While I was shedding tears of anger and frustration, He quietly whispered into my heart that this was a simple reminder that I have to trust Him completely. He never promised I wouldn’t lose my wallet, but He does promise to provide for all of my needs. And He started immediately, because that was the day my Dad came to Thailand, which meant he could provide me with money until I am able to get a new credit card.
Sometimes having expectations sets you up for failure, even if you don’t realize that you have them. But our Heavenly Father is gracious and merciful. The expectations will be broken, but if you lean on Him, you will be blessed. Expect it 😉
