I was sitting in a cozy corner booth at a favorite local restaurant enjoying the bread my gluten-free aunt so happily pushed on me. It was one of many goodbye dinners I would have in the remaining days before Launch. Amidst the rowdy conversation of the restaurant regulars, Aunt Connie and I were in our own world. I was intent on enjoying the presence of my spiritual mentor while keeping my focus off the impending farewell.
As the conversation ranged from a How-to-Tweet lesson (me to Aunt Connie) to her vintage 1970’s dress, we inevitably began to discuss the Race. She inquired about my position as Team Treasurer, and as I explained she burst into laughter. “Oh! So you’re Judas!” Not at all offended by her joke, I began to laugh along. “Well,” she said, “this is your chance. You need to take this position and redeem what he did. You can redeem Judas!”
I immediately thought this conversation could make a funny blog. Cleverly titled with an explanation of the perks and trials of being a treasurer. It would be topped off with a Judas: What Not To Do segment. The next morning I began reflecting on the conversation and planning out the blog in my mind. As I tried to think of ways I could redeem Judas, I was struck with a sobering thought. What a waste! He lived in intimacy with our Savior for three years and completely wasted the opportunity. The growth, grace and redemption he could have received were all gone due to his own selfish ambition.
As I began to think and pray more over this, God pressed on my heart that this is how I am going to personally redeem Judas over the next 11 months. Like Judas I have abandoned family, friends and home to go on a journey with Jesus. I want to take every chance to grow with Him and strengthen our intimacy, even when this comes through trials.
With this personal conviction and unwritten blog still building inside me, I arrived in Atlanta for Launch. The few days were spent in information and training sessions, hanging out with friends and trying to figure out how to lower the weight of your pack without actually getting rid of anything. I found myself, however, experiencing an inner struggle. When I awoke Saturday morning I felt God asking me what I wanted my Race to look like. Literally holding out my hands in front of me, I thought:
On the left hand I could do my Race focusing on personal desires. Indulging in complaining and whining. Opting out of team bonding to experience what I wanted. Not seeking what God would have me do, but choosing what at the moment would please my flesh. I could still participate in ministry and make a change, but there would be little, if any, personal growth.
On the right hand I could do my Race the way God has called me to. This way could be considered harder at first. It does not include choosing the option to always please myself. It does include challenges, trials and choosing to remain positive and thankful even when I’m not. But it also includes blessings and the growth and change I have so long desired. This Race will Redeem Judas.
I won’t lie to you, it was a hard decision, and probably one I will have to return to every day. I raised my right hand to the Lord and declared, “I will Redeem Judas.”
My gracious heavenly Father confirmed this decision in my heart during the morning session just a couple of hours later. The session was titled “Freedom.”
“There is an immature freedom that says, ‘I can do whatever I want.’ This is actually a cover for acting on your own selfish desires. Then there is a mature freedom characterized by love. Love for God and for one another. Freedom that is submitted to love is hard because it is sacrifice. As you begin, don’t look to be emotionally satisfied at first. But if people can see this mature love and freedom, they will know who you belong to.”
I know which freedom I will be exercising these next 11 months. And I know that, with God’s guidance, I will Redeem Judas. I encourage all of you to look at how you currently live this out in your own life and experience the kind of freedom that is founded in love.
