This month T Squad has been ministering at El Shaddai, a children’s home in Swaziland. Each of us has been paired with a buddy for the month, and my buddy is Ayanda. He’s a 9 year old goofy, energetic, risktaker whose laugh and smile bring literal joy to my heart. One of my favorite parts of our relationship is that it often reflects my own relationship with God and the lessons He is trying to teach me. I hope these stories encourage and inspire you just like they have done for me.
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While most of the time my relationship with Ayanda has been joyful and fun, there are times that frustrate me, break my heart, and bring me to tears. This happens when he “shuts down.” Sometimes it is triggered by another child teasing him or if he believes I am giving all my love and attention to another child. And sometimes I have no idea what has happened.
This isn’t a temper tantrum or fit thrown by a petulant child. This is no movement, no speaking, no eye contact. It can last for 15 minutes or three hours. I try to talk to him ranging from gentle coaxing to patient demanding. I let him know that He is loved, that I am here for him and want to help him. I always explain that if he does not talk to me, if he keeps the problem hidden, then he is making it worse and I cannot help make it better.
Eventually I will walk away and wait until the worst has passed. Then he will once again come running up to me smiling. But I know that his little heart is holding all of these pains and wounds inside. That the more he buries underneath, the more will have to be exposed later.
This is true for every person. The more we bury our sin, our hurt, our guilt, our bitterness, our sorrows, our disappointments, the harder our hearts become. We must bring them to the light. We must trust our Heavenly Father to redeem these things in our lives and bring true healing. It may be scary to go to those places. We may know that it will be painful to talk about, but God is patiently waiting to do a mighty work inside of each of us.
Unlike with me and Ayanda, God does not lose His patience or become frustrated with us when we shut down. But it is true that our Heavenly Father weeps for us when we do not trust Him, when we choose to allow darkness to bury our hearts instead of allowing His light to break them free.
Look to God today. Trust Him today. Speak to Him and allow His light in so that you may be healed.
