Team Time took place in the boy's apartment in Cahul tonight. All of us were sprawled out in somewhat of a circle on the floor, chairs, mattresses, and a couch. It was one of those nights where barriers are broken, vulnerability is stepped into, and trust reigns. So I shared what was on my heart- all of it just came pouring out. I wasn't looking for answers, just a listening ear and the knowledge that after sharing I would be prayed for.
You see, I'm frustrated. I so desperately want to grow in the Lord, but I feel stuck in a cycle of failure. One step forward, two steps back. As I processed out loud to my team (a very nice way of saying word vomited), God helped me realize how much I am relying on myself. Just as we cannot receive salvation through our works, we cannot receive spiritual growth based on our works. All of it has to come from God- in His way and in His timing. Resting in the Master, instead of trying to master the situation, can be so difficult, and I struggle greatly with His timing. I often wish for a step-by-step guide, or homework to complete. Something solid and concrete that will draw me closer to Him on my schedule. But He doesn't work like that. He works in and through other ways. Like in the rain.
It's raining in Moldova right now. The thunder storm started brewing as we finished dinner. I though the first flashes of lightning were street lights, but the claps of thunder that followed proved otherwise. By the time us girls left to walk home there was a strong wind and a steady rain. During the walk there were sporadic expressions of thankfulness for the rain, but there were also wishes to still be with Stefan and Veta.
Since arriving at our first ministry site for the month, Team Sojourner has been praying rain over Moldova. The country is in desperate need. You can see the effects in the dry and cracked ground and near empty wells in the countryside. There were moments over the last two weeks where I thought, "This is it. God is about to let the rain loose!" I could just imagine all of us running out into the street, smiling, and praising with Stefan and Veta. The scene would have been fit for a movie. But that's not how it happened. Instead the rain came the day after we left our precious Stefan and Veta.
As we arrived at the apartment and began to settle in for the night, the thought once again crossed my mind. "I really wish we could be with Stefan and Veta to celebrate the rain. It would have been so cool to experience the blessing together." And, like a whisper, God spoke into my heart, "But this is My timing."
With those words so many things fell into place. The blessing of rain is still taking place and the joy is still felt even if it didn't happen when I wanted it to. In fact, the blessing is even greater because God is using it to speak to me and teach me. Just like with the coming of the rain, God is going to draw me closer to Him and bless me with spiritual growth in HIS timing. I must simply trust Him because it will be so much sweeter when it happens.
So, it's raining in Moldova, and God is speaking to my heart.
