Every morning on the island my team met for a devotion and bible study. We met under this little cabana that sat on the sand about a hundred feet from the ocean. One morning as we sat there chatting after devotion, I saw 2 people out in the water snorkeling. I heard one girl say “Are you okay?!” and then quickly swim toward what looked like another diver lying face down in the water. I watched them for a few seconds before turning to my friend Jess saying, “I think something’s wrong out there!” Jess is both a paramedic and a diver so she instantly stood up to see what was going on. Within seconds we watched the one girl turn over the other and begin stripping her tank and gear from her. We watched her lean in and start doing mouth to mouth and we instantly jumped into action. We ran to the water and swam as fast as we could to get to them. Once we got there we began fetching the gear and asking them what happened. Many seconds went by before the girls sat up and said, “Oh, we are just practicing!” As we did an awkward laugh and turned around to head back to the shore, my feelings completely changed.
I was so embarrassed.
I was embarrassed as I looked back at the rest of our team standing on the beach while hearing the girls behind us laughing. I was embarrassed as I watched another lady on the beach looking out at the commotion turn around and lay back down on her towel. And lastly, I was embarrassed that I dragged Jess into what I thought was an emergency.
Once we made it back to our team the first thing I said was, “Well that was embarrassing.” My sweet friend Amber looked at me and said, “You shouldn’t be embarrassed! You had a yes in your spirit and saw an opportunity to help and took it! That’s not something to be embarrassed about, that’s something to celebrate!”
The next morning I thought back to that conversation and decided to take it to the Lord. You see, as far back as middle school I can remember getting embarrassed over the silliest things. Even the smallest things that shouldn’t matter, would leave me wanting to hide under a blanket. While I was praying I asked God why I struggle with embarrassment so much. I wanted to know why these things made me want to run far away and hide.
God instantly revealed to me that this was a deeper issue, It was shame. But I didn’t want to believe Him. In the past year I have grown SO much when it comes to shame. I’ve worked on pin pointing pain in my past that has led me to believe lies from the enemy causing shame. The lies that I’m not good enough, pretty enough, or funny enough. The lie that I will never be “enough.” I’ve spent countless days with the Lord asking Him to help rid me of that shame. And as I’ve grown into a deeper relationship with the Lord, I’ve been able to combat those lies with His truth and find my identity in Him. So hearing that this was a shame issue felt like a punch in the face.
But that’s exactly what it is. Now I’m not saying that embarrassment always equals shame. But, as I’ve thought back to moments where I’ve personally felt embarrassed, it always comes back to those same lies from the enemy. After the snorkeling accident and seeing people staring, I began to believe silly lies like I wasn’t smart enough to know they were practicing and I wasn’t pretty enough (because they were staring at me laughing.)
God reminded me that when I’m embarrassed or facing shame, I want to run and hide like Adam and Eve did in the garden. The enemy wants to use that shame and embarrassment to attack our self-confidence and self-image. He wants to use it to keep us hidden and bring condemnation that causes us to doubt ourselves. BUT, the Holy Spirit is our ally against those lies and gently reminds us that because of Jesus, we are free from the lies of shame.
Every day, Satan tries to feed us lies to get us to believe that what God says about us isn’t true. He wants to prevent us from stepping into the true identity in which God has given us. He tries to disguise his voice as God’s. We have to turn to God for the truth of who He has called us to be, and walk in that confidently. John 10:27 says, “my sheep know my voice.” We are His sheep. He loves us, He cares for us, and we are the ones He saved and redeemed. When we seek Him and draw near to Him, we get to know His voice and what He says about us. With that knowledge we can deny the lies from the enemy causing shame, and know who we truly are.
joyfully hos,
lizzy
