As a way to process our upcoming departure, my leader Oriolyne asked me the other day what I’m taking and leaving in Cambodia.
It’s easy to know what I’m taking. I’m taking the joy and love I’ve received from the kids. They’ve given us their whole hearts and have shown us what innocent and unconditional love should look like, for both people and the Lord. I’m taking what I’ve learned from the hard moments. There was a point where I realized that even though I’m on the mission field, I was trying to do this without God’s help. (Hint: it’s not possible). I’ve learned through community living to stand up for myself and what doesn’t work for me in a humble and graceful way. I’m taking the bracelet that Panith gave me on the very first day. And I’m taking a million memories of football games, giant spiders in our bathroom, and the sweet cheek kisses from the kiddos.
I’m taking a lot, but what am I leaving?
Well, I named the orphange’s dog “Fiona” because we didn’t know her real name. Then the other day when I tried to ask Eangly what the dog’s real name was, she responded, “Fiona”. So I’m leaving that, and I can’t lie- I’m pretty proud.
I’m leaving behind the idea that my thoughts and life experiences aren’t valuable. I’m leaving behind my lack of self worth, and taking in its place the knowledge that I am loved and cared for and the daughter of the true King. I only have my team to thank for this one.
But in moment when Oriolyne asked me this question, I didn’t have an answer. And then she pointed out that I’m leaving a mother’s love with Samyung. Samyung arrived at the orphange at the same time we did, and has been going through “initiation” this past month. He’s experienced a lot of discipline and firm lessons from the older boys (sometimes in the form of aggression), and while everyone else sees Samyung as a four year old who needs to learn his place, I see him as a sweet child who has been neglected his whole life and needs compassion. So I quickly became the one he’d run to for comfort. Oriolyne noted that I was exactly what he needed, so instead of his first month here being harsh and lonely, it was a combination of learning the ropes and receiving love.
After this conversation, I realized I was also leaving a small piece of my heart with Samyung. Saying goodbye on Tuesday is going to be hard and painful, but only because God has blessed our time here so much. I’m grateful for all that I’m taking and leaving, and know that though our time here was short, seeds were planted during our time in Cambodia that God is going to continue to water and feed.
Prayers for these goodbyes and our travel to Thailand would be greatly appreciated in the upcoming days! And as always, I’d love to answer any questions about this journey!
