Dear Home,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I miss you so much. I miss everything from my people to my bed to my routine. This morning, I would’ve given anything for a hug from Mom.
With only three weeks left before I’m back, it’s hard not to think about you. My team has already started debriefing our time in Asia and preparing for the transition back to the States. In a way, it feels like we’re beginning to say our goodbyes. We’re planning what food we’re going to eat when we get home (I’m personally stoked for nachos), we’re planning trips to see each other, and we’re planning our future.
I’m so excited to see you, but it’s going to be bittersweet. While I’ll be going home to my family, I’ll be leaving a different kind of family behind. A family made up of my sisters in Christ, the girls who have experienced every single day with me, every up and down for the past three months. They haven’t known me long, but they know my heart. They know my hopes and my struggles. They know I’m a fierce competitor in everything from football to spoons to Just Dance. They know I wake up as late as possible and that I need my alone time and that my love language is quality time. And I know them. We love each other so well, and this family has been my greatest joy. These have been the sweetest relationships and will be the hardest “see you laters”.
I’m also looking forward to having my stuff. My bed, my car, and more than just 6 shirts and 5 bottoms. But I’m learning that- however cliché this sounds -the more I depend on God, the less I depend on earthly things. As I start to believe Him when He tells me I’m beautiful, I don’t need cute outfits or makeup to feel it. When I intentionally spend more time with God or with the community He’s surrounded me with, I don’t need my laptop, TV, books, or anything else to keep me entertained. The more I turn to God for comfort, the less I daydream about my soft bed or any of the luxuries that await me in America.
And I’m eager to go back to my routine (or lack thereof). Days here are always different, always changing- and sometimes it takes a toll on me. But the inconsistency is teaching me to be flexible and patient. I’m learning not to plan out my day, because inevitably something else will happen, and that’s where God shows up. He shows up in the spontaneous dance parties, the casual prayer walks, and the random conversations. I love my routine at home, but I think it may look a little different from now on. I’m going to plan a little less “me time” and a little more “Him time”, time for worship, relationships, and unscheduled ministry and room for Him to surprise me.
I know I’ve only been gone three months, but I’m not the same person I was when I left. My core is still here, but my eyes have seen so much. So much poverty, hospitality, shame, beauty, addiction, and perseverance. My heart has felt pure joy, brokenness, love, sorrow, hope, hopelessness, and freedom. I’ve been pushed and stretched in so many directions that it was nearly impossible for me not to grow. I’ve experienced the mountains and the valleys, and- for the most part -I’ve found Jesus in it all. It’s been hard, I’ve failed many times, and I’m still learning, but I am changed.
So while our reunion will be wonderful and sweet, I ask for grace as I figure out the transition, grieve the goodbyes, and process all that happened these past few months. I ask for accountability in continuing to live a Christ-like life, and I ask for love and community! Without you I would not be here, and I want to share all of this with you.
As our time here in Thailand is wrapping up soon, I’m soaking up every moment, learning everything I can, giving it my all, and trying to stay present. God isn’t finished here yet. But you’re always on my heart and in my prayers. See you in 3 weeks.
Love and joy,
Liz
