“Do you regret doing the race?” A friend asked me this question as I shared how I was struggling during month 2. The race definately has it’s challenges as there are many areas of adjusting.
Travel days- travel days can be really long. We often trade in comfort and convenience and use buses to travel within countries. Our first bus ride was a 12 hour overnight ride through the mountains of Colombia. We hardly slept as we were all fighting off some fierce motion sickeness. Other travel days can be really really really long. We spent a total of 5 days busing from Quito, Ecuador to our current location Cusco, Peru. The first bus was an overnight 12 hour ride to the Ecuadorian/Peruvian border. At the border we waited in line for 4 hours to get through immigration and then another bus took us to the first major city with an all day layover. Another 24 hour bus ride brought us to Lima, where we stayed overnight at a hostel fitting our whole team of 7 into a one single-bed room. It was also 80 something degrees. But we were at least showered for the final 24 hour leg of the journey.
Living arrangements- We’ve experiened some unique arrangements. Our first month in Cartegena we slept on the floors between two rooms. The married couple on our team had 1 room, and the other 5 of us shared the other. We weren’t allowed to leave our host home without our host because the neighborhood was too dangerous. Our host site was also our ministry location, so we basically never left. We got to know each other pretty fast. And with that, we for sure had our moments of tension and disagreements.
Our second month was as all squad month with all 57 of us staying in one house. This may sound like an introverts worse nightmare.
I can assure you, It was.
This month I’m staying in the attic of the children’s home in Cusco. Besides freezing at night, It’s actually kinda awesome.
Living out of a backpack- I’m currently rotating between four very cute outfits. hehe, I wish. I actually tried to pack practically. Clothes can get used up fast and laundry machines can be limited. I must admit I’ve worn clothes longer than what’s comfortable.
Living on a budget- As far a food and lodging, each person is given just dollars a day (hence 7 people in one hostel room) Food can be challening. Sometimes we are fed by hosts which can be delicious and great. Sometimes you have to grin and bear it, or try to discretely pass it on your neighbors plate.
In Cartegena, we pulled our money together to do our own food shopping and cooking for each meal. Keeping in mind the preferences of 7 different people and limited selection at the local grocery store, we actually got pretty creative and had some memorable and enjoyable meals together.
Being transient- Arriving at a location, upacking, getting adjusted, falling in love with a community, only to uproot in a few short weeks, yep that’s hard.
Honorable mentions of other challenges include mosquitos, cold showers, head colds, stomach bugs, dripping in sweat or shivering in the cold- Latin America has some crazy climate extremes.
Although these various things have been challenging and stretching, this hasn’t been where I have struggled. It’s interesting to see what emerges as you begin to peel back comforts and preferences. For me, I found myself guarded with my personal time and independence. I had no problem giving myself over to the alotted ministry time during the day, but I grew resistant as it seemed each day became absorbed by all the things we needed to accomplish outside of ministry. This frustration heightened as we moved into all squad month, and the demands for my time increased. Between squad meetings, team meetings, and other obligations, I felt confined. In effect, my attitude changed and I grew resentful towards these things.
Things came to a head when one evening we had returned to our host location from a long ministry day. Shortly after, we were required to be at dinner in which all team members needed to be present in order to be served. A squad meeting was scheduled after dinner, which for some reason started over an hour late. Meanwhile, as I was waiting for the meeting, I let my heart steep in annoyance and resentment. All I wanted to do was take a shower ( a warm one) and crawl into bed. Once the squad meeting finally began, I received a swift heart check as we began the meeting by pairing off to listen in prayer and pray over each other. Ugh, great, that’s the last thing I felt ready to do in that moment. The beautiful thing is that God still speaks, but that’s when I realized that what I had been feeling held too much ground. And really the root of it was selfishness. Not that wanting a shower or time to myself is such a horrible thing, but wanting what I wanted so strongly that I became resistant to letting people speak into me and vice versa, and ultimately hearing from the Lord.
I don’t know how God does what He does. Somehow with coming to this realization and saying each day, Ok God, I’m giving this over to You, dissipated the strong resentment I was feeling and it’s opened up the door to some pretty cool things. Just the other day my team held what is called super feedback. After living, traveling, and doing ministry together for 3 months, we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well- gifts, quirks, flesh, and all. Super feedback is a time to call things out in one another, speak life, and give constructive feedback. Really, what a gift.
Back to that question my friend asked, do I regret doing the race? My answer is a quick and emphatic no. The challenges, inconveniences, discomforts are worth it cuz He’s worth it. I think of Paul’s words “I count everything as loss because of the suprassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” Yea, He’s worth knowing. I’m thankful for a God who doesn’t want us to stay where we are, but calls us to know Him and to look like Him.
