Heartbroken. I just watched it happen. I sat helpless and did absolutely nothing. Sunday morning sitting at the local coffee shop watching my weekly church podcast. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement. I look up and know instantly. The feeling in my gut says it all.
It wasn’t the skirt that was far too short that gave it away. It was the uncomfortable standoffish vibe she gave off. I watched her carefully knowing what I was seeing but denying it.
Just as I’ve worked up the courage to go talk to her a white pickup truck pulls up in front of the shop. She walks out and gets in with a strange man. The truck sits there for a while and my body fills with panic. Who would I tell? What would I do? The police wouldn’t care. Would anyone?
That was my second day of heartbreak. Over my first month here my eyes have been opened wide to how broken the culture here is. Women are objects and it’s completely acceptable to treat them as such. You can tell when the smiles from men walking by have something different behind their smile. An arrogance and a power to them which leaves you feeling shameful and exposed.
One of my first nights in the city someone pointed out the loud western culture music coming from a block down. That music was coming from a karaoke bar down the way and it plays every night. Each time I hear it my heart breaks a little more. Karaoke bars here aren’t for family fun. They’re a major hub for prostitution.
My heart hurts so much for these girls because they’re trapped and I know that feeling. The feeling of being used for sexual pleasure but not knowing that it’s not ok. Not knowing that they have worth and should have control over how their bodies are treated. They’ve been groomed from a young age. Some sold by their families. Taught to take what’s given to them and accept whatever happens. There is no option for no.
Grooming is real. Grooming is when a person of authority manipulates an individual into believing that behavior that is clearly wrong, isn’t. It removes the ability to discern what’s ok and what should be stopped. It replaces control over one’s body with confusion. It leaves the victim in a state of shame which takes away their voice. Grooming teaches the victim that it’s ok to be treated bad because that’s what’s normal.
I was groomed to believe that my body was not my own. That whatever happened to it was ok and normal so there was no need for it to stop. I believed that being pinned to the floor and kissed all over was just a fun game. That being watched while I changed was just a parental observation. That certain touches were just showing affection to a daughter. I’ve since learned that none of this behaviour was “normal”. That changed the game.
So many girls here don’t know what life is like outside of being used for sex. They don’t know they have control and a choice. They don’t know the life they live and the way they feel isn’t normal. Knowing what I do now and knowing they don’t has ripped my heart to pieces. If I could save every one right in this moment I would without thought no matter the cost.
One night we were riding home from dinner after dark and we passed a salon filled with girls getting ready for work. They lined the streets and crowded around the karaoke bars. I cannot describe the feeling of complete sadness and pain I felt. My heart cries for them still.
Unfortunately for safety reasons I’m not able to enter the bars and talk to these women. On top of the safety issue is a language barrier. I’ve felt completely helpless in knowing but not being able to do.
I’ve been completely heartbroken watching this happen all around me but I know God gave me this heart for a reason. So I’ll pray hard and wait for the moment when He uses me and my story to break the chains that hold them to their suffering.
