God gave me this dream of mine years ago. I’ve been waiting for the World Race since 8th grade and it’s always been the thing to look forward to you. In this year God would use my story for good and do big things. This was my purpose. That’s a lot of pressure for 9 months.
On top of this there’s the pressure of feeling that if I fail to do big things I’ll have failed those who supported me. It’s like my whole world is waiting for the big stories to come pouring out. This tension and frustration built in me as well feeling that I wasn’t doing anything and I was just wasting my time.
Then I let go. I realized that this year is God’s, not mine. It’s for Him to use me in however He sees fit and draw me close to Him, not for me to save the world. Sometimes this means spending my mornings cleaning the bathrooms for my squad and blessing them instead of being part of a ‘more important’ ministry. God uses the small things as much as the big and putting Him in a box isn’t worth the hassle.
God is so so much bigger than what we can see in the world around us and letting go of expectations of how He will use us is a huge step to freedom. Expecting God to move in big ways is one thing but expecting it to happen the way I want it to is entirely different.
This past week my squad had debrief in Siem Reap where we got to rejuvenate and prepare for the next upcoming months. God moved big this week and connected a lot of dots for me. But allowing myself to sit back and receive rather than doing all the time was a huge part of that.
Up until this week the frustration I was feeling was becoming overwhelming as I felt helpless to fix a broken world surrounding me. Seeing the small ways God was moving seemed impossible when there was so much that needed saving. God reminded me this week that sometimes just being in His presence is enough to spark change in others around me.
I promise that once something wild and exciting happens I will tell you about it. But for now this is what life is like living in God’s presence.
