It’s been a month. I’ve been in the sweet town of Mijas for a month now and it has already changed me beyond words. It’s opened my heart and shifted my view. I see the life ahead of me differently now. And with that comes a whole new set of possibilities.
If you know me, you know how many wildly different dreams I’ve already had in this lifetime. From mom, to dancer, to wedding planner, to physical therapist, I’ve dreamed a lot. The beauty of this season is that I finally get to explore all of them. I don’t have to put anyone else’s dream first or change mine to fit into safety. The possibilities are endless.
For my whole life I thought I had to pick one. I could only fully commit if I picked one and ran with it full force. But what about the rest? How do I know I chose the right one? What if there’s better?
Well, what if it’s all possible? What if my creator placed these desires in my heart knowing that if I’d just trust Him with my heart that He could make them all come true far beyond anything I could ever imagine?
I’m starting to believe that’s the case. When I got my dream about having a safehouse in Costa Rica, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. That it was as good as it was gonna get, but at the same time it felt so restraining. Entirely concrete with little space to keep dreaming. My Father knows me well so He whispered into my heart “dream bigger”.
Dreaming big and believing it could happen is something of a challenge for me. In the past I’ve been far too quick to lay down my dreams and chase others. I’ve somewhat lost myself in that and recently found that the hardest question to answer is “what do you like to do?”
My whole life has revolved around taking care of others. And I think I do like to do that, but I’ve let it smother my possibilities.
One of the hardest things He’s been teaching me is that He trusts me. He made me trustworthy. He placed His heart inside of me, I am fully capable of making decisions. Really good ones that reflect His heart. I’ve spent my whole life saying I trust Him to make all my decisions for me, but this whole time He’s been telling me that He trusts me to go do the thing and He’ll back me up. I just have to learn to trust myself.
Something that has been said quite often here is love God and do what you want. Which happens to sound a lot like the phrase my Mom uses when she believes I just need to make the big decision and commit, pink or blue. Both of these have challenged all of my views on who I believe God to be and how I fit into the master plan. I’ve spent a lot of time pushing off my responsibility in decision making when He’s been waiting for me to simply choose all along. I’m not a puppet, I have free will and He wants me to use it. He loves it when I do and delights in my victories as well as failures. It’s a beautiful thing.
I’m still exploring what it looks like to dream bigger, to see all that’s possible and chase after it. But I know my God made me with a big heart and big dreams, and I know He is so excited to explore all of it with me. He’s good. And He made me good. And now we get to dream big together.
