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 Cainta Rizal, Philippines
 
Worship started in the morning, followed by an intense talk on the Holy Spirit by Mark. I found out the night before that he was going to be talking on this matter and began praying then for clarity and understanding since I have kept the Holy Spirit at a distance for so long- partly because it was never mentioned in church and partly because I thought it was kind of scary.

After Mark finished talking, I walked up to him, kind of shaky and nervous, and asked for prayer- I was scared to death, but I new the Spirit was welling up inside of me ready to get out. He prayed that the Lord would blow my roof off, that the wall would come crashing down. It was then I heard the Lord say speak– specifically talking about tongues. No way, God. That’s not for me. Speak. Alright God, if tongues is just my spirit talking to you, then it has to be you that speaks through me. This all made perfect sense in my head, this little debate I was having with God.

About the time I stopped debating and began to just ask the Holy Spirit to overtake me, Courtney (from my previous team) walked up to me saying that she sees that the Lord wants to blow my roof off- really confirming what Mark prayed over me. She said she would continue praying for me and turned to walk off. “Can you pray for me now?” I asked. “Sure” and she began praying for me. “In the spirit!” I said as I tapped her hand that was resting on my shoulder. (side note- I don’t know what came over me to ask that- well yes I do, Jesus, but I would never say that on my own.) This was a cool learning experience for her too, for she realized she didn’t have confidence in the gift the Lord had given her while we were in Australia. She prayed for me in English and a little bit in the spirit. After a few minutes of silence, I walked away. I needed to pace. I wanted the Holy Spirit to rock my face and it wasn’t happening.

My 2 new squad leading partners, Mike and Noe, one then the other came to pray for me. Who knows how long they were praying over me, but i started to get frustrated. God, where are you right now? Why aren’t You speaking to me? Where are you in this? Mike stops praying and says that he believes I need to get up and go speak life into someone. In my frustration, I said, “How in the world am I supposed to go speak life into someone if God is not speaking to me right now? I can’t do this alone.” Not even 2 minutes later, Courtney comes and sits right next to me. My head floods with truths about her. What is this God? I’m asking to to break down these walls, to reveal yourself to me, to rock my face and you are talking to me about Courtney?  I turned to Courtney and, still kind of frustrated, I tell her what The Lord is saying to me, “You were given this amazing gift from the Holy Spirit, you need to have confidence in it. You are anointed, chosen, and worthy to pray in the spirit over people. Do it girl” Alright God, I said it, now can we get back to this roof of mine you are going to blow off? I may or may not have been a little self centered right then.

I look up and Kyla is walking our direction. She releases the men to “man” lunch and pulls up some dirt right beside me- Courtney still on the other side of me. Kyla and Courtney begin to have a conversation about being confident in your gifts. Keep in mind, I’m sitting in the middle with my self centered attitude- you know I’m wondering why they aren’t focused on helping me get rid of this roof. Finally their convo ends and Kyla asks me what’s been going on. I tell her the whole story minus the part where God told to me “speak.” She and Courtney begin praying for me. Kyla gets a vision on a 2 story farmhouse all boarded up with a wrap around porch. She sees me personified on the outside of the house which is weird because I am the house. (remember, the roof is supposed to blow off) She tells me that the problem is control. I’m still trying to have control. The personified me needs to disappear from out on the porch and reappear inside the boarded up house to start tearing down the walls. What a vision. Okay God, what am I supposed to do with that? What does this mean? How do I get inside of the house- or better yet, get inside of me? This is making no sense, God.
 
Kyla, who had started praying again, stopped and said, “I have thought this before, but haven’t said anything, but I think you should speak in tongues.” God, I guess I should tell her about what you said to me earlier. I told her exactly what God told me and the conversation with Him that followed. She boldly turns to me tells me how arrogant that was of me- for God to tell me to do something and for me to say, “no, you do it.” She was so right, but definitely not what I wanted to hear.
 

Who knows how much times passes before Kyla verbalizes her hunger and goes upstairs to get a plate to bring back down. Courtney gets up about the same time to get more water. Finally God, just me and you. Will you speak to me now. Like straight to me- not through anyone else? A non-English phrase enters my head. Nope. God I can’t say this. Is this even you or am I making this phrase up?

Kyla and Courtney come back. Kyla puts her plate down, walks over to where I am now standing, places her hand on my shoulder and begins to pray in the spirit over me. Alright God, if you want me to “speak,” I am willing. I hesitantly let the phrase come out under my breath. Once it came out it didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop praying in tongues. It was like everyone disappeared and only me and Jesus were out there. I was praising the Lord in a different tongue. It was the weirdest thing, but an amazing gift none the less. Needless to say, my roof was definitely blown off- WAY OFF!