I Made a Decision

Last
night, I made a series of decisions that will impact my life.

Over
the past week, I have been struggling to keep my head above water. I
have been drowning in my anxiety and it had taken a tole on my body.

I
wasn’t sleeping well (I’m an excellent sleeper- some may even say I’m
a professional)

I
virtually had no appetite.

The
pain in my back had gotten much worse and remained constant.

I
couldn’t focus on the things I needed to get done, much less actually
accomplish my endless “to do� list.

It
even started affecting my relationships- It was a struggle to fully
enjoy being with people due to my mind being in overdrive, constantly
thinking of what I needed to be doing/ what needed to get done.

I
was living life in a rush…

always
feeling like I needed to catch up…

easily
frustrated when things didn’t go according to my schedule (it’s
amazing how selfish I had become)…

It
all came to a culmination yesterday while sitting in my
psychopathology class. Oddly enough, we were discussion anxiety- and
boy was my anxiety in full force. I literally thought I was going to
lose it. We even had a pop quiz that I knew wasn’t going to count for
anything, but I allowed it to stress me out nonetheless.

Needless
to say, it was obvious something needed to change. After a break from
class, I sent my friend a text explaining my emotion- she simply
responded with, “I’m sorry… let it go.â€�

Let
it go.

Just
let it go.

That’s
exactly what I needed to do. I allowed those words to permeate
through my being for a few seconds before regaining focus on what the
professor was saying.

God
honored my desire to surrender control over to him. Just moments
later, I noticed I was able to focus completely on what my professor
was saying. I was tracking with him again, without feeling like
everything was over my head. I relaxed.

When
I got home that afternoon, the weather was so gorgeous that I decided
to sit outside as I journaled in an effort to clear my head. I began
writing out all the things that have been adding to my anxiety. I am
a firm believer in speaking God’s truth over situations/trials–
really life in general, but undoubtedly, there are times I fail to do
so (such is life).

Anyway,
in that moment, I claimed truth…

God
is in control, I am not.

I
walk in ever increasing health.

I
live a life of abundance.

He
sees me as whole and complete.

I am
the apple of His eye.

He
is proud of me.

etc…

It
was then that I made a few decisions:

I
decided I was going to have a good night’s sleep.

And
I decided I was no longer going to have back pain.

I am
aware that the act of making the decision isn’t the reason I was
actually able to accomplish those things. In fact, all I did was
change my mindset and God did the rest. He met me where I was
yesterday.

He
was eager to take the load from my shoulders- He was just waiting on
me to ask. He wanted me to make the decision, the decision to let
it go– and that decision changed the trajectory of my week. I
will undoubtedly have to make this decision multiple times (thousands
of times) and I am confident God will continue to meet me where I am
and take the burden from my shoulders.

Maybe
I will actually learn how to not take the burden on my own shoulders
to begin with….

The
way the Lord works continues to amaze me. In an instant, I felt like
a different person. In an instant, I knew everything was going to be
okay and everything would get done.

He
knows what He is doing. How do I keep forgetting that?