Blogging before leaving was a bit difficult. It always took me a while to finally sit down and figure out what to write about. We have been in India for 3 days and I feel as if I could already write a novel about everything we have experienced. So the question is not what to write about, but more where to begin. What do friends and family back home expect to hear from me?
That’s is the thing we have been struggling with: expectations.
The last couple of days have been jam-packed. We wake up around 9am and leave at 10:30 to drive approximately 3 hours to one of the near by villages. Once we arrive we are treated like royalty. We are brought into homes that consist solely of 2 square rooms in which beds are cleared for us to sit on. Our hands our washed and we are served massive amounts of rice and curry. We are watched constantly while we eat to ensure that our bowls never go empty. Once we cannot possible eat any more, our eating hand is washed again and our place cleared, never allowed to lift a finger. We then make our way outside to “church” where we are placed in chairs in front of everyone and asked to sing, preach, then pray.
Here is the weight I have been carrying, the weight of expectations. We have nothing to offer. We show up in these towns and are flooded by and overwhelmed by people, children run to us and giggle when we smile and wave, parents shake our hands and ask for our prayers purely because we are the very first white people they have ever seen. We are nothing special. Each of these people we come across are all capable of preaching, of praying for the sick and blind. Each man and women is capable of being used by the Lord and filled with the Spirit. There is nothing more humbling than being treated like royalty when you know that you have done nothing to deserve it. There is nothing that forces you to your knees to trust in Jesus than when there is a language barrier and all you can do on your own is say “hello” and “what’s your name?”
Expectations can wear you out. Who are you trying to please? If you feel the pressure to give a profound word of wisdom or be the deliverer of a divine miracle then you are taking God’s plans and God’s job onto your shoulders. Which, in case you didn’t know, is way bigger than you could ever handle. Going in with the expectation to see God move is encouraged, but going in with the expectation of HOW God is going to move will set you up for failure.
This week I had to die to what others expect of me AND die to the fabricated expectations in my head. If I carry the weight of pleasing everyone I encounter, I am going to wind up crying in the fetal position every night. If I convince myself that I will only succeed if I follow step A, B and C precisely, then I will fall short every time.
I know what my Father expects of me, to fall in love with Him, to be jealous for my time with Him. To rest in Him and to seek Him when I have no idea what else to do. To put by own agenda aside and trust in what He is doing, even if I do not see it with my own eyes.
