I think the majority of my life I have not been content. I have always looked forward to the next thing, convincing myself that when I get there, everything will fall perfectly into place. When I was in high school, I wanted to be in college, when I was in college I just wanted to be finished. Before I was on the Race, all I could think about was getting ON the Race and now that I am here it has been a goal of either a.) finding out what the Lord is calling me to OR b.) figuring out what to do when I get home.
I fully believe that the Lord puts desires on our heart for a reason. I know that the Lord gives good gifts to his children and He delights in using us for greatness. He wants us to dream BIG dreams!
If we don’t believe that the Lord is good and rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6), than what is our faith for?
Here is where it gets messy. I like to try and trick my own mind AND the Lord’s into thinking my mind is renewed and I am fully ready for the next step.
Most single Christian women have bought into a deal that as soon as they love the Lord with their whole heart, as soon as they find complete satisfaction in Him alone, then the right man will suddenly appear on their front door step. SO, if most single Christian women are like me and put two and two together, they spend their time and energy trying to convince themselves that they are completely satisfied in Christ to speed up the process.
From a different angle, we are told that the Lord will reveal His call and plan for our life in the proper timing, we just have to wait for it. So we wait and we wait and we wait and our ultimate goal becomes this plan instead of the Planner.
What are we waiting for? Why do we sell ourselves short when we have already received the Ultimate Goal? We can grab hold of it NOW. You don’t have to wait anymore!
The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about squad leading the past 3-months, but I chose to ignore it because I was scared. What if I was completely wrong, and my ego and pride was just trying to elevate myself? What if I was right and it would change everything?
At first I pushed the thought away because I was afraid of it. I was too afraid of getting my hopes up, only to have them crushed.
As time went on, and the thoughts still kept coming into my head, I had to make a choice. Would I let this position rise above my Jesus? Or would I choose to still be satisfied in Him alone? You see, no matter how much you shove desires of your heart down, they are going to surface. The Lord has given you those desires. Its what you do with them that matters. If we dwell on any position or status or calling or man/woman longer than we seek after the Lord, it becomes and idol and then we loose contentment in where we are at.
I chose to believe that if this was the Lord putting squad leading on my heart, then I would follow Him wherever He leads. I also had to choose that one decision would not define who I am or who my identity is. Squad leader, team leader, logistics, team member whatever, we are ALL more than conquerors when identity is fully in Christ ALONE.
You are where you need to be right now. The Lord will move you in His perfect timing. He is always doing a work in you even if you do not see it at the moment.
