Sweet Maria gently spreads the pastry across the countertop as she begins to assemble her delicious banitsa, with an expertise that can only come from years of repetition. Her sweet blue eyes twinkle with the joy of a teacher as she graciously talks us through each step of the process in Bulgarian. We have no idea what she is saying, but she is patient and kind and enthusiastically points to all the necessary ingredients.
The deep wrinkles on her weathered face hint at the 69 years of untold stories, pain and joy. Her hands are rough and strong but can still handle the most delicate of pastries. The kitchen is her classroom, with her old fashioned glasses, endearing mole on her chin and shy smile. She is the one of the most beautiful women I have seen. Not the world’s concept of beauty that is fleeting and superficial, but rather the kind of deep beauty that is worth beholding.
Maria is the chef in the Dobromirka retreat centre kitchen and has become our adopted Bulgarian grandmother, cooking with such a deep love and passion that you can almost taste it in her food. She cooks for all the conference participants, which can range from anywhere from 10 to 70 people. Jessica, one of my teammates, developed a special bond with Maria as they worked seamlessly alongside one another, overcame language barriers and learned to communicate through cooking.
During our last week in Bulgaria, Jessica decided to buy Maria a gift. With the help of Emi and Valo who suggested something green, Maria’s favourite colour, she decided on a beautiful green blouse from the store across the street and wrapped it in green wrapping paper. Then, on a Tuesday evening just like any other, we all gathered in the kitchen to present Maria with her gift.
Her surprise was quickly followed by a confused look on her face: it wasn’t her birthday, it wasn’t Christmas – there was nothing special about this day, so she had no idea what the gift was for. Emi and Valo explained the gift was simply to say thank you and to show our appreciation for all her hard work.
She delicately unwrapped the tissue paper and gently lifted up the green blouse. Her eyes immediately welled up with tears of joy and deep appreciation. She read our card and placed her hand over her heart, moved by the gift. She promptly stood up and began pressing her cheeks wet with tears against all of our cheeks, showering us with kisses. She quickly removed her apron, dusted off any flour from her clothes and tried on the blouse. It fit – perfectly.
Through the tears, she tells Emi and Valo, who then translate to us the heartbreaking story behind the blouse. Maria told us that she had admired the exact blouse in the window for over 2 years but the store owner refused to sell it to her because she told Maria she would never fit into the blouse. I can only imagine what it felt like for Maria to hold, let alone fit perfectly into the blouse she had been told she was not good enough for.
How many times as women have we been made to feel this way? That we are not worthy, that we are not lovely, that we are not enough?
Every woman deserves to feel the joy Maria felt as she proudly wore the blouse. What would it look like if we did this all the time, everyday? Made people feel known, and loved, and valued and worthy? What would it look like to lavish love on others on ordinary days rather than just on their birthdays or special holidays?
I think it would look a lot like Jesus leaving His heavenly throne: the King of Kings humbling Himself to be born in a manger to redeem His beloved, to lay down His life for His friends, that we would be able to enter the presence behind the veil and have our relationship with the Father restored. The King is captivated by our beauty. He is the only One who can answer the question that all of our hearts have pondered, “Am I lovely?”
Yes, beloved: you are lovely, you are loved, and you are worthy of the ultimate sacrifice.
