It all started at church one Sunday morning. Every Sunday church church begins with singing. The congregation loudly sings, yells, chants and dances while our entire team stands there super awkwardly just listening, unmoving. After thinking and praying about my lack of enjoyment for church, God clearly spoke that it was unreasonable to not enjoy church because even though they may sing different words in a language we don’t understand, we are all worshipping the same God. So that is how it all started. I was trying so hard to get into worship. After a few minutes of prayer, I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence and I began to worship with the congregation. Soon after I began to have a vision. My vision started with a hummingbird trapped in a cage, buzzing and frantically flying around erratically, searching for a way out. Soon a hand reached out and undid the lock of the cage and opened the door. The bird looked around and then flew just barely out the door, then hesitated. The hummingbird is the only bird that can stay flying while remaining stationary and even can fly backwards. The bird hesitates and thinks about going back into the cage. The cage is known, the boundaries are defined, it’s comfortable, and familiar. But instead the bird looks forward, doesn’t look back, and flies away.
My interpretation of the vision: the hummingbird is me. My family back home often calls be busy bee because of how often I’m on the move and never stop going. Just like a humming bird, I can’t sit still. It takes a lot of work for me to simply relax and be still which is something I’m learning on the Race. For a long time I felt trapped, just like the bird did. I felt stuck, unable to move forward, and restricted by expectations that myself and others have placed on me. I observed the rest of the world through my cage or walls I’ve put up, as I interpreted it. And now God opened my cage and set me free. He wants to crumble my walls down completely. Quite honestly all this freedom scared me at first and does still slightly scare me. It does because with freedom, comes the unknown. In my cage I knew it’s boundaries and how far my limits were. When you’re free there simply are no limits on what you cannot do; it’s completely boundless. And so I’m currently choosing to move past the fear and to fly away with Him without looking back. And to explore this new place that He is bringing me. One not of comfort, one not of familiarity, but one filled with freedom and one filled with new horizons. He so clearly spoke, “Your wings already exist now fly away with me.”
Also there’s a cool God Moment tied into this vision. That same day, a few minutes after having the vision, I opened my Bible to read a random book and it happened to open to 1st Thessalonians. On that page in my Bible is a picture of a bird, a humming bird, which is a super strange picture to have. And then I shut my bible and looked at the back cover of it. On the back of my bible I have this sticker of a bird that I put there almost 4 years ago when I first got this bible. I’d almost forgotten it was here. And then while I was in Washington DC for an overnight layover where I got to see my mom and little brother, I considered sending home this Bible but decided not to because it felt wrong. I was going to send it home because I didn’t want to ruin it. To know that 4 years ago, God knew he was going to give me this vision in this moment with this Bible here in Rwanda, is so freaking cool. GOD IS SO FREAKING COOL. He takes my breath away.
Here in Nepal, God is showing me what true freedom looks like.
It’s something that often makes me feel uncomfortable, but it’s a lesson long overdue that I learn. Freedom for me involves not caring what other think of me when I worship. Freedom for me is going in public with greasy hair and no makeup on. Freedom is dancing like a fool with the congregation of the church, Freedom is creating in my art journal without the fear of it not turning out perfect. It looks like a lot of different things to different people. But I will never go back to being a caged bird. I prefer to be out here in the open celebrating and calling others to join me in freedom.
Xoxo
Liz
