Hey everyone,
It has been a very long time since I’ve posted a blog. I’ve written many but every time I go to post it, I just feel uneasy. To be vulnerable on social media has become something I don’t do as frequently as I would like. But anyways this blog actually started as a homework assignment. It’s a letter to someone who’s Mother recovered from cancer two years ago, but it has now come back and has 3 weeks to live. However the details are unimportant. It feels deeply relatable to anyone grieving or suffering. It is also written as if time is passing between the beginning and end of the letter. The letter is addressed to Philothea, which means the one who loves God. It’s something I picked up from an old catholic spiritual text. And so without further ado:
April 24, 2019
Dear Philothea,
Thank you for reaching out in your time of need. I deeply valued our relationship when you were younger. It was so cool to have someone looking up to me. When your mom was diagnosed years ago, my heart broke with you. When your mom was healed I rejoiced with you. The Lord’s power and provision in that moment was so tangible. In every sense we can believe and know that two years ago her healing was a miracle. At that time she and your entire family was covered in prayer. This time around let it be no different. Allow your church to pray and intercede for you and for you family. Prayer can honestly do no harm. However I understand your pain and how you feel as if you need to grieve and say goodbye, and to ask the hard questions of the past, and of now.
I would like to tell you a million cliches all at once, however I know that they ultimately mean nothing. No phrase or cheesy Christian quote will ease your pain, or relate to the way you’re feeling. If you would allow me, I would like to sit with you, both literally and figuratively. To listen to your story. To hear your heart. To validate the way in which you are navigating the grieving process. To cry, and cry hard. To pray. To say nothing at all. I am here on the bench of grieving with you.
Way more importantly than me grieving with you, is that the creator in the universe grieves with you. Losing your mom and saying goodbye is hard and brings sorrow. The “man of sorrows” knew many sorrows, he is called that for a reason. In his humanity Jesus knew what it was like to suffer and mourn. The Great Counselor, another beautiful name for God, is with you. He brings comfort to all who need it. He bears your pain with you, and will carry your load. The story of Lazarus in the Bible reminds us that because God loves us, he stays with us. He chooses to stay two extra days with Mary in the place that she was because he loved her. Jesus will stay with us, alongside us, because he love us. When Martha, and Mary blame God for not being there, for not changing the circumstances, Jesus does not rebuke the women. He reminds them instead of his resurrection power, and states that they must believe. As Lazarus dies, Jesus weeps with her. He is moved for her, and works on her behalf. Jesus goes to the tomb, four day old smelly tomb, and reminds Martha that if we believe, we will see the glory of God. Jesus enters her mess, literally and figuratively, and in this mess His glory still shines. His glory will shine in the darkest of circumstances. I pray he reveal his glory to you. That in the darkness he brings his light, and that even when you don’t have answers to your questions, his presence alongside you is enough to sustain you, that his presence is an answer all in itself. He did not leave you in the dark. He came to you and made his love tangible. Emotions are hard to work through when you’re feeling so many things. But know that God is a being who honors emotions. He doesn’t want you to skip grieving, or move on more quickly than you feel comfortable. Allow yourself to feel and feel deeply.
In the midst of it all know that you are allowed to feel so many different emotions and experiences at once. You can feel joyful one minute, laughing with a friend, and forget for a minute that your mom is about to leave this world. Be aware that this is not wrong. You can hold on to so many different emotions at once. Emotions are not the enemy we make them out to be. When we are in alignment with our ABBA our emotions are a reflection, a signal, and a symbol to be observed, and processed, not ignored. I would really recommend you express them honestly: with God, your community, a counselor, whoever you feel comfortable sharing with.
Through these hard times allow the Lord to shape you, mold you, and grow you. Invite him to form you, break you and make you whole, all in due time. The incredible thing about God is that he truly does make all things work together for our good. (Sorry for the cheesy quote). But he really does. Although God is not the cause of our suffering and of our pain, he does turn it around and weave his goodness through it. As painful as suffering is, it allows us to see God in a new way, it allows God to teach us new things. When all is well in our lives we drift away and wander because we don’t need God. When all is removed and we only have Jesus something changes. “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love.” Romans 5: 3-5. We are to rejoice through the sorrow, praise before the breakthrough comes, knowing in our hearts and our heads that these struggles are making us into the people God desires it to be. In our suffering we are given just a taste of the suffering Jesus endured. Suffering brings out our unique characteristics and our truest self. It helps us bare our soul and tear down walls we once had. It makes us raw. One of our main identifiers as Christians is as children of God. We are to copy him as little children copy their dads. In the process of losing your mom cling to your father in heaven, and your earthly father. Emulate him. He will change the way you view him, the world, and the people around you.
One question you asked was why God would allow your mom to pass away now? Also why was she healed the last time she had cancer? There are no good, easy answers to your questions. A part of this answer however is that death is the enemy of God. He does not want death for us, before sin entered the world in the garden of Eden there was no suffering or death. The Bible teaches that death has already been defeated. This happened on the cross when Jesus was resurrected three days later. But until he comes back death and suffering is something we have to face. He certainly did not one day decide that it was time for your mother to go, he did not bring the cancer back, he did not will her death. Rest in that knowing that our father does not want harm for us.
Because of what you have been through, you now hold a new ability to comfort others, to walk through the trenches of grief with them. This ability is unique and not all people have it. Having suffered, you can comfort people in a new way. People can sense the kindness and compassion within you. You can be a safe place for people to turn to when they are asking tough questions. And you will provide comfort to others in how you can rest in the mystery of not knowing all the answers. Having this experience also allowed you to see the reality of heaven in a new way. As your mom joins the Lord is heaven we have walked far enough on this journey to know that heaven is a beautiful place, and she gets to be in the presence of her Maker.
The hope I leave you with is eternal hope. The hard to swallow, but beautiful truth is that we believe Jesus is coming back. This is called eschatology, which is the study of the “last things”, the prophecies of God being fulfilled in the end of times. We believe that in and through the rebuilding of a new heaven and new earth, all things will be made whole, and perfect, restored to their original glory. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4. But until he comes back, we will experience grief, heartache, and pain. All of humanity, good people, evildoers, children, and adults will have pain in their lives. For to love is to experience pain. But we as Christians are part of a bigger story than just our own. It is interwoven across generations, time periods, and cultures. This beautifully woven tapestry includes the past, present, and the coming future. And in his weaving, God is making a more beautiful story than we can ever possibly know and see until we join him. He is in our midst. We are just a single strand in this tapestry, a voice in the narrative of God. Knowing that the story being written is beyond our own, can help you to work through your suffering, and can help you walk this journey faithfully. Knowing that how you handle this situation affects the larger story of God. We can walk the road of suffering knowing that God has the final say, to give to plot line away, God wins. He defeats Satan, and suffering, and conquers death! He is rises from the dead, walks out of the grave, and restores what was stolen from you from me and from all of humanity. We look forward to it with open arms.
And so Philothea I urge you to press on, continue to ask questions, continue to seek him, continue to wait on the Lord. Allow him to take you on a journey with him. He is there with you. He is Emanuel-God with us.
Your friend in Christ,
Liz
