Today I graduated from the University of Sioux Falls with my B.A. in Theology and Biblical studies, Magna Cum Laude.
I’ve done all that I can to distract myself from this fact. Today I should’ve been at my college graduation. Even as I type this tears start to fall from my eyes. In this season I’m learning that tears really are just water. And we have to listen to them. We can’t ignore them for very long. Well we can.. but its not very helpful. It’s much more helpful to instead ask what the tears are saying to us. Today my tears are speaking of grief. I am grieving this day. The day I was looking forward to for a very long time. Celebrating graduation is a big deal. Today should be full of excitement and anticipation for what’s next, and saying goodbye to a beautiful chapter of my life. Today I should’ve been able to wear my favorite dress, and cap and gown. Instead my cap is in MN and not here in TX. And I have no where to wear it to.
Those feelings of excitement of anticipation are still there but in a drastically different way. Today is typically a day spent with family; sharing a meal, laughing, drinking, playing games into the wee hours of the night. It should been a day where I say goodbye to all of my fellow classmates, some of whom have radically changed the way I view the Lord. Today is usually spent thanking professors for the impact they have had on our lives. I think of the professors who I have spent hours talking with, who I have shed tears with, and who I shared hopes about the future with. The theology professors at USF helped challenge me, and encouraged me to wrestled with what I was learning. They supported me as I dug deep into my heart and asked the Lord what he had to say about a variety of issues and topics.
It’s hard to know what to say about my time at USF. From the beginning we had an untraditional relationship. I transferred here, in obedience, blind to why or what I was going to do with a theology degree and in some ways I still wonder what I’m going to do with it. After a year at USF I needed to get my feet back on the ground-away from ideas and philosophies- I needed to serve. So I took the semester off and lead young women on a mission trip to Thailand and Cambodia. I returned in the spring ready to graduate and finish my semester. It’s kind of a miracle to be able to graduate in just three semesters. Ending my time here at USF was also unique. I‘ve spent the past few weeks attending class on a website called Zoom, basically a giant group FaceTime.
Graduation feels interrupted- stolen from me. I didn’t know that when I left for spring break I wouldn’t be coming back. I had no idea that I’d be unable to say goodbye to a place that has deeply impacted me. What’s funny is that I came here to change USF, and instead I leave having been changed. Transformed. I leave USF more brave, more capable, more strong. Having let go of many preconceived notions of who God is, and allowed fresh ideas to enter my soul. I was truly transformed by my education and I am so thankful for that.
So here’s to the class of 2020. Congratulations on the act of graduating. Man it was a lot of work. With many late nights, many tears shed, many desperate prayers, many papers, and thousands of words written. I know it feels like so many things were stolen. I should’ve been sitting in comfy auditorium seats, waiting for my name to be called to walks across the stage, while my family whooped and hollered at the sound of my name. The excitement of walking across a stage to receive a diploma is so much more than the action. It symbolizes a new chapter. A new beginning. However today I watched my names scroll across a screen on my iphone- which wasn’t nearly the same. But I can allow it to have the same impact. To use this strange ending to whole heartedly embrace what next. Surrender the here and now. Surrender my time, my energy, my finances to the Creator of the universe. To rest them in his hands. And he will bring me exactly where I need to go.
I don’t know where I’m going next, or what I’m going to do. But I know that where I’ve been is beautiful and it’s nothing like I ever would’ve planned. But that’s the JOY of life with Jesus. It’s always an adventure.
So today I am thankful for USF. I know Jesus used it to transform my life. #GoCoo
